The day began with an early as game of tennis with irritable father driving me.
Although I only played doubles and at a mediocre level, the team won by 4 games. Yays, grand final on the 23rd, noos there's a party the night before so I can't get drunk (like I even drink anyways...)
The middle of the day was occupied with extensive amounts of procrastination although study was just revision and wasn't supposed to be difficult. And just before that, there was a surprise visit between kon and I which entailed me fumbling with the seatbelt, then leaping out of the car to the innocent passerby that was he, to the dismay of my beeping father who held up a row of car. We exchanged a quick hug and funny little kiss and I was off to go home.
Oh yeah, I also went to the optometrist beforehand where I proceeded to meow (no one noticed, phew) after my eye was attacked by a spurt of air, 'testing the pressure' they call it.
During alleged study, I found myself consuming tea leaves. Yes people, you heard right. The stuff that's in the bag after you drink the tea. In my defense it was almond tea so this type was actually quite yummy ! (not like green tea) added bonus was that the leaves have next to nothing in calories but still fill you up ! I also ate like a bowl of watermelon. And take note that I was only trying to eat a minimal amount of calories because I had a monster of a breakfast !
As part of procrastination I also cut my nails, nearly chopping one of them in half (you're not supposed to do that,if you're wondering). And devised a sneaky little plan! You see, I was really getting into triple J and well, they have free downloads and seeing as it is extremely tedious to find and download single tracks yourself, I decided to get the ones of their site. One problem. I have 5GB of internet a month. Now, it is possible to scrape through the month without using it up if minimal audio/videos are downloaded (in conjunction with tumblr) however I found myself getting a few tracks and before I knew it, tumblr was loading too slowly in comparison to how it should in the first week, whoopsies ! So here's the part with the plan! I have songs I need to download, yes? The school has internet, yes? I can freely access that internet whilst in class, yes? YES ! the only thing is I need to spread it out over a few days so they don't pick up on it and yell at me and that's fine but I'm a little impatient and after Monday, I'd only have access two weeks later, oh wells, guess I'll have to wait.
Then came the down, the irritable father was just being ridiculous and in amongst it all I decided to have a spoon of nutella, to which he remarked, 'Oh, you're eating calories?' which prompted me to put it away immediately. You know I'm not coping well with this, so why trigger me? I later decided not to eat for two days to make him see how his words affect me however mum came home from shopping and bight me individually-wrapped chocolate crepes to which I could not say no. She also got me avocado in a box (although I doubt the freshness of it,it looked pretty good, and chunky) and all these other snacks to boost my energy while I was studying.
Oh yeah, and father also did this thing where in the past week what ever I say/anything that is not blatantly boring and has something that isn't dandy enough for him, he responds by comparing me to someone bad and I've gotten to the point where next time he says it, I'm just going to slap him across the face because he fucking deserves it. Sorry for the swearing, it was just on the tip of my tongue and I had to get it out.
Some other shit happened but this whole 'ignore and move on' thing is working pretty well for the most part so I shall continue following it and not dwell. Also nearly, involved someone by blurting out what's wrong but held back so it was okay :) <-- first smile!
But the most important thing about this post is coming up. I apologise to my boyfriend, Konrad. I said something I shouldn't have, and I didn't mean it and I was just a little heap of emotion at the time and he took it the wrong way and copped it from me. And I'm so sorry for that and still feel bad about it and I practically stabbed him in the heart when he didn't deserve it, so I guess I was being the next level down from a deadbeat. And I love him very much for not only is he perfect, but after today I realize that he is the only one that truly cares about me despite trying to ignore the fact that my parents have no concern whatsoever.
And I really miss Konrad and his hugs right now and I'm trying my hardest not to cry myself to sleep because I don't want to wake up like a zombie and fuck up another day of study. The pressure is really getting to me and I'm about to just cut it out, but I'm not sure how yet.
Goodnight world, hopefully I'll wake up feeling good and neither of my parents speak a word to me tomorrow -something I doubt will happen.
au revoir. xo
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