omnomnom I could eat you forever.

I would not complain if all I ate was chicken for the rest of my life.

Speaking of which, I managed to spill it all over my netbook a week ago and now I dipped my physics paper in it. Must be love <3

au revoir. xo

hehehe

I'm feeling better today, thankyou kon :)

au revoir. xo

Can't believe this was only a month ago.

http://subliminal-beauty.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/haapppyyyy.html

NEED TO GET BACK TO BEING HAPPY !

I will not feel like this in the morning so it's okay. :)

When something bad happens it just seems to build up and up and up until it's utter chaos at which point it explodes and then cools down in like a week (hopefully). Then, the next time things are on a worse scale if that makes sense. So, right now how far is the situation from explosion? Has it already exploded? What is going to happen that is worse?

Which leads me to think, what happens when everything just gets sooo much worse? even though I don't want to think about how that will be. Normally, I just bounce back and come back stronger but what happens when it absolutely knocks me down? What am I supposed to do then? Right now, I have just lost feeling so what's next? It's inevitable and I'm really scared for that time.

I'm reaallllyyyy sorry konrad. :(

au revoir. xo

P.S It's like when I'm actually happy some of the time, the knock downs are so much harder than they used to be.

I am beyond tempted to run away and never come back.
I am so sick of crying ALL day and feeling dumb doing my chem revision and not being able to focus or feel.

au revoir. xo

bye world

Everything is totally jumbled up.
It's like they're trying to piece a puzzle together with pieces from four separate puzzles. Everyone knows it won''t work but they still try. And they jam and bend and fold the pieces until they fit together all wonky and with gaps, and still far from perfect-or even how it was before.

And then you have those who act as if nothing has changed and they're calling for a casual catch up.

Nothing is fair anymore.

Yesterday I had absolutely no idea what I wanted, with anything and everything, with my family, with school, with friends, with all of it. Today I am certain of one thing. All I want right now is to hug kon and pretend that the whole world is okay and that it's fine for us to run away and be hippies and relax and just be in love without all this side-line nonsense. That's all I want right now.

I want to pretend that when I go to school tomorrow, everything will be the same and I will actually have food  and I'll go okay in my assessments and then I'll come home and everything will be okay too. But it's not, none of it is.

I want to just disappear for a while, not sleep, just vanish. And then come back when everything is how it was.

The worst part? I don't know what this feeling is. I don't feel depressed or suicidal or emo or whatever, I just feel as if I don't like this sudden change and that it's wrong. How am I supposed to fix myself if I don't know what's going on?

au revoir. xo

There's only so much I can forgive you for, abandoning me is not on that list.

Sorry for the people who read this, it really sucks right now and I don't know why I even bother seeing as I don't write what I want anyway...

au revoir. xo

oh em gee, totes fml

I can't even have any comfort food because we actually don't have any food.
The fridge is empty unless I want eggs or cheese.
I can't even drink something yummy.

au revoir. xo

thoughts aloud

okay okaay so I promise I'm not being all emo and whatever and this is more of a mental note ! :)

I need to remain detached in order to not get hurt. That's kind of sad but I really don't see any other way at the moment that keeps me happy at some point.

also, just another thought in my mind, I loveeee youuuu konn <3

au revoir. xo

Forever alone.

Wooooh !

Skinny love

I'm really really really sick of breaking down all the time.
Why can't I just have a normal life?


au revoir. xo

Procrastinating study

Sorry for the spam everyone. :)

Questions not usually asked:

• 1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? closed, they must always be closed or I rage.
• 2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? only since I can remember! We never end up using them though..
• 3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? tucked in? Like whaaaat? I fold the end of my doona under my feet and then chuck the second blanket on top AND turn on the heater.
• 4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Not as reb as that yet.
• 5: Do you like to use post-it notes? yessh, use them all the time for pointless reminders!
• 6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? coupons? I'm too rich for them :P
• 7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? bear, HUG IT OUT MAN >.<
• 8: Do you have freckles? a few on my nose and countless amounts of beauty spots on the rest of my body (over 50 as of 4years ago)
• 9: Do you always smile for pictures? yeaaap ! Otherwise I'm just derping around.
• 10: What is your biggest pet peeve? I was actually thinking about this earlier, hmmm.. I can't remember at the moment.. but on the list is blowing your nose with your clothes (you know who you are)
• 11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? nope, but I try to walk evenly and not step on gaps- or step on an even number of them because I'm OCD maaaaan
• 12: Have you ever peed in the woods? not recently, I couldn't even go in the bushes on central !
• 13: What about pooped in the woods? noooooooo 
• 14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Isn't that what freaks do? Jokes I have my own music in my head.
• 15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? not religiously
• 16: How many people have you slept with this week? sleep? zero. Shared a bed? one.
• 17: What size is your bed? single because no one ever comes over.
• 18: What is your Song of the week? hmm... not sure, but i'm loving death cab for cutie! Ooh and radical face!
• 19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? to a certain extent
• 20: Do you still watch cartoons? I'm not really a T.V person anymore although I need to download Emperor's New Grove !
• 21: Whats your least favorite movie? those dumb ones with adam sandler
• 22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? I can't disclose where it's hidden ;)
• 23: What do you drink with dinner? alcoholic beverages, jokes I just generally don't drink anything with food.
• 24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? OMNOMNOM CHICKEN I LOVE YOU ! tomato sauce? (pronounced tomato)
• 25: What is your favorite food? olive dip and avocado and caviar and a few other strange things !
• 26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? the notebook.
• 27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? my lover.
• 28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? nooo, waaaah !
• 29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? if I was ever confident with my body then sure !
• 30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Hmmm.. well Kon's birthday card was kind of like a letter
• 31: Can you change the oil on a car? yes. You pull that stick thing out and pour oil in, right?
• 32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No because i'm too advanced, like in maths.
• 33: Ever ran out of gas? my own or in a car? Kidding, no and no.
• 34: Favorite kind of sandwich? avocado with tomato and some salt or grilled tomato and cheese <-- so unhealthy
• 35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? scrambled eggs maaan !
• 36: What is your usual bedtime? what is that? I sleep when ever or at Kon's house when I'm there because I'm such an amazing girlfriend who just steals his bed and lets him chill by himself :p
• 37: Are you lazy? obviously. I am yet to do about 10 things with expiration dates back in last summer.
• 38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? my parents didn't let me because we are 'religous' yeaaah suree -.-
• 39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? I am a golden pig !
• 40: How many languages can you speak? well I am quite fluent in sarcasm, bullshit, english and russian. Understandable (by kids) in french and basic italian.
• 41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? I wish !
• 42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? probably legos seeing as I have brick sized ones, although I am quite a fan of that train set I used to play with as a child.
• 43: Are you stubborn? depends with what, if I want my way I will not back down.
• 44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman? Letterman although they both bore me.
• 45: Ever watch soap operas? Days of our Lives took up every day of my life in the holidays.
• 46: Are you afraid of heights? only when I am unstable such as on a trampoline (no Kon, I quite like your lift things-most of the time)
• 47: Do you sing in the car? if it's just my parents then HELL YEAH ! they need to know all the lyrics too through my talented singing.
• 48: Do you sing in the shower? I take my phone with radio in the bathroom so that I can !
• 49: Do you dance in the car? only the usual chicken wing move and what-not
• 50: Ever used a gun? you mean the ones on my arms? or the water pistol ones?
• 51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? my it was only last week ! (I'm a model you see)
• 52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? yes, cannot stand them. Refer to High School Musical 1, 2, 3 and 68.
• 53: Is Christmas stressful? If we end up having it then no.
• 54: Ever eat a pierogi? ADORE THEM SO MUCH !
• 55: Favorite type of fruit pie? lemon :3
• 56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Doctor because I was so mainstream. Or a forensic detective thing.
• 57: Do you believe in ghosts? only every time I see them.
• 58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? 50% of my life.
• 59: Take a vitamin daily? I should be taking about 10 for all my deficiencies but I am too rebel.
• 60: Wear slippers? I'm more of a thong person now.
• 61: Wear a bath robe? Only when people are over and I can't walk from room to room half naked.
• 62: What do you wear to bed? I like ventilation. Jokes, currently it's this lime green singlet and pink stripey gypsy pants.
• 63: First concert? ooooh THE WOMBATS! That was the second too :3
• 64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? none of them, I only buy branded products.
• 65: Nike or Adidas? Adidaaaaas !
• 66: Cheetos Or Fritos? neither
• 67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? peanuts if ever !
• 68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? I very well might have !
• 69: Ever take dance lessons? maybe when I was a wee little one. Actually so desperate to start ballet though !
• 70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? yeah we talked about it today but I don't think he wants everyone to know :P
• 71: Can you curl your tongue? yesss. Omg I have been doing this all the time in the past week. Note: If dad can't then I guess mum has some explaining to do!
• 72: Ever won a spelling bee? Is that like a type of bee? No, but I have never been stung either !
• 73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Only like all the time because I'm such a derp !
• 74: Own any record albums? I steal my music
• 75: Own a record player? nooo
• 76: Regularly burn incense? not really because I forget !
• 77: Ever been in love? only to the extent that I can no longer figure out quite how much I love Kon. (which is heaps and heaps and heaaaaaapsss)
• 78: Who would you like to see in concert? maroon 5, the wombats, death cab for cutie, panic! at the disco and a range of indie bands !
• 79: What was the last concert you saw? the wombats, wooooh !
• 80: Hot tea or cold tea? i cannot drink anything hot ! :E
• 81: Tea or coffee? iced tea, mochachino !
• 82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Call me old fashioned but I still use sugar
• 83: Can you swim well? So save my life I'm relying on lifegaurds but I can get from A to B efficiently !
• 84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? yeaaah, do it on a regular basis !
• 85: Are you patient? hahahhahahaha why is this a question? But seriously, depends who it is.
• 86: DJ or band, at a wedding? Hmmm... probably a band as i don;t think I could rock out in my $3000 wedding dress
• *I am craving sushi with wasabi*
• 87: Ever won a contest? yeaaaah !
• 88: Ever have plastic surgery? Just mainly my face and boobs. Jokes I have none and my face is au natural !
• 89: Which are better black or green olives? ooooh, the purpley ones -kalamata
• 90: Can you knit or crochet? yes and yes because I am hardcore !
• 91: Best room for a fireplace? house? Campfire would be some desolate place with just a tent and heaps of blankets and pillows and comfort food and dim lights and of course a whole sky of stars to fall asleep under with Kon. (Speaking of, only like under 2 years until one of us gets our licence so we do this!)
• 92: Do you want to get married? already picked out possible wedding dresses.
• 93: If married, how long have you been married? Unofficially to all, fourteen months and seven days.
• 94: Who was your HS crush? like 10 different people !
• 95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Only in my head.
• 96: Do you have kids? ahahahaha, interesting question....
• 97: Do you want kids? only if they end up cute !
• 98: Whats your favorite color? f0r3V3R B1u3
• 99: Do you miss anyone right now? only the same person as always !
• 100: Have anything you want to say? Yes, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOW YOU JUST HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU ?!

hope you all had fun while I wasted an hour of study time.

au revoir. xo

//rant//

I don't understand why people in relationships cannot be more relaxed, or rather relaxed at all and always act upon impulse and create drama and overreact and then make things worse.
you people are still teenagers, LIVE LIKE TEENAGERS!
If you want to say something to your boyfriend/girlfriend, THEN SAY IT ! oh my gosh, the amount of people who stir up all this nonsense is overwhelming !
and then there's that 'they're going to break up with me' thought that always seems to be there.
They are not going to break up with you or not not-break up with you UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY APPROACH THEM AND TALK THROUGH YOUR SHIZZ BECAUSE NEITHER OF YOU WILL BE TALKING AND YOU WONT REALLY BE IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYWAY!
I'm rambling now but this just annoys me.

Be carefree, life is so much easier !

<3

au revoir. xo

say whaaat?

My family is more bipolar than I.

To-do list for the weekend

• clean my room-even I'm dying with it in this condition
• stitch my pencil case
• finish that 'thing' which I have been meaning to do all summer
• BUY THAT THING I NEED ONLINE
• perhaps think about valentines day and what on earth I'll be doing and if anyone will ask me *sighh
• think about a present for S&M
• figure out an outfit I do not own for their party ^
• make my face clear with every product I can lay my hands on
• play tennis after about 2 months of inactivity -.-
• GO THE THE CITY/ CHAPEL STREET AND BUY MY FORMAL DRESS
• edit that post-it not to chuck on tumblr
• RELAX !!
• telephone gabs
• telephoe julsie pants
• telephone alex
• telephone andrea

oh my, I have so many friends...

• take up ballet, jokes but that would be so cool!

this list is still in the making :)

My rock just crumbled.