I feel so sick and uneasy, I just want to throw up

au revoir. xo

Come home from a strip club and coincidentally eat a sausage...

au revoir. xo

Today I was heading to the city so I made sure to eat breakfast despite my wants so that I would not be compelled to buy much unhealthy food for lunch. So that's milo cereal -check.

Then for lunch I bought a naan bread from bread top because I am a cheapskate plus its so delicious!!! So that's cereal + naan bread -check.

Then I ate two apples while reading in the gardens and later bought a boost which I almost finished despite not really wanting it halfway though.

So that's cereal + bread + 2 apples + boost

and then came dinner.... I was planning on making a tuna, greek yoghurt and cheese toastie but a) it would break the semi-healthy streak and b) there was no sliced cheese left and I couldn't be bothered to cut from the block (my excuse anyway..) and I couldn't make popcorn because dad is asleep so I HAD to resort to a cucumber and tomato, somehow I feel this will not be the end...

au revoir. xo

Turns out I did 112 practice exams (not including english) leading up to exams

I really miss him

That equates to around 150 hours on exams alone

He's not even gone for that long

Excluding 4 hours of tuition and roughly half the exam time that it took to mark said papers

I've really grown attached to him though, I guess that's why I don't like losing him, even if all that means is a few extra kilometres between us for two weeks

Wow, that's a lot more than I thought. I hope it shows

I feel somewhat pathetic about it but I don't even really care because we're lovely :)

au revoir. xo

and two and a half years later I responded

au revoir. xo

So yesterday I did seven chem exams -not sure about the quality of the last ones and today I have done barely anything because I really don't want to study for physics! I have also managed to lose several chem exams (I think) which is stressing me out because I can't correct my mistakes which is what I need most in this subject but I did email my teacher like a million times about it so I think I am going to go and take a shower now and then do one or two chem exams and actually mark the exams I did yesterday.

Tomorrow I am going to the beach so maybe when I get home I will do a physics exam eurghh and then wednesday all day I will do physics and then hopefully by the end of wednesday I will not be stressing out about this -it really doesn't help that my teacher not only responds to emails a week later or not at all, but only when he is at school.

merp merp merp I am so exhausted I just need to escape already (speaking of which, I do not actually have any plans of escaping after exams so not really much to look forward to there either...)

au revoir. xo

I'm in such a calloused state that I am able to remain unaffected by what would usually be considered frustrating or detrimental to myself. Honestly, I would be surprised if anything other than this/the usual occurred the night before my exam- the obsession of my parents.

au revoir. xo

groomed brows and steamed face later...

au revoir. xo

Once I finish exams I am going to try and not depress myself by keeping busy!

• I am going to clean my room and take out all year 12 related things such as past papers, textbooks and loose sheets to free up cupboard space.
• I am going to listen to cheery music and be happy
• I am going to see friends and not feel guilty
• I am going to live in the city during sunny days and be free
• I am going to re-arrange my furniture and make my room more 'homey'
• I am going to get a job and have a steady income so I can be more independent
• and lastly, I am going to try my hardest not to think, not to stress and not to feel bad

This sounds pretty good to me!

:)

au revoir. xo

This past week has been crazy!
Wednesday was dress up day and then after that was the IMAGINE DRAGONS CONCERT! Undoubtedly, one of the best concerts I have been to, mainly due to the people I went with.

Reconnected with a few people, especially one (although we only disconnected in my head) and it was such an amazing night, dancing away with one of my best friends to beautiful music and just not stressing or caring about anything important, having pure fun. Will definitely miss/yearn for another night like that!

And then today was uniform signing and everyone was so happy and I felt so good and not sad at all about finally finishing year 12 (and boy what a long study year it has been!) and yet it was such a short year, socially. Immense amounts of drama, a fuckload of emotion and so much love for so many people.

After looking through all the photos on facebook and about to read my dress, I am indeed sad. Sad because there is nothing I can do to go back. I feel as if these past 6 years have whizzed past! I mean, it was just yesterday that I was starting year seven, doing survivor, befriending people in Ms Orloff's year 9 english class, dating konrad, befriending Julsie and Costa and finally, dating Robert.

It has been such an amazing journey and I think it has finally hit me that it is all over! Just like that.

I will definitely continue to catch up with some people, especially as we might be going to different Uni's, but I am not so excited to start the next chapter of my life. I want to dwell in all these friendships I have created over the silliest things!

I want to be young and naive, I think I will miss that the most!

I certainly do not have any motivation to study for exams (and trying not to get re-pooped about schoolies), I just want to be with people!!!!


Ahh I feel so emotionally messy right now, :)))))))


fuck I love people, but it's always too late when I realize.

au revoir. xo

First time these holidays when no one else is home. I feel so much more relaxed, I think the lack of personal space was the stressor. Phewwww :)

au revoir. xo

Reading assessors reports constitutes for writing two essays right? what, no? it doesn't???

au revoir. xo

You know what frustrates me? Having to download endless third-party apps to cope with the lack of necessary features pre-installed on android.

au revoir. xo

Recently, I've been feeling more hyperactive without cause. I'll jump from eustress to distress quite quickly without any inbetween. Just last night I washed my hair and then exercised until 12:30am and was still hyperactive but able to sleep, this morning I woke up at 6:30 but forced myself to get more sleep until at least 7:20am.
Right now my body is still buzzing but I have a slight headache.
I felt so fucking good last night, and managed to voluntarily hallucinate without drugs to a controllable level which I've never managed to do before.
What is wrong with me? I feel like all this mind/body activity can't possibly be good and I'm semi nervous about the crash.

au revoir. xo

Looking forward to finishing school this year because the amount of work I am expected to do is piling up and I am very behind and this causes stress in two of my classes which is unpleasant. Having said this, I very much enjoy school and am not looking forward to the sudden change next year however there is one hurdle I will have to overcome that is left once school finishes and literally the only thing that will make it better is time which makes me powerless and out of control which is not fab but I guess life goes on which I am a bit sick of saying because this backseat in life is starting to get old.
All of these sentences are very long and I also hope I get positive feedback on my essay tomorrow because I really tried and will be disappointed if I have to write a new one so close to assessment day because I know that was the best I could do.
Trying to remain calm about life and just push on when necessary and be happy with people when I'm not studying because no one likes a stress ball and I don't even want to be one.
And I really want to relax but will not sacrifice crucial time (yay go me for upholding #1 tip for VCE) and I hope I become a different person after school and am more carefree and don't think about everything because that is not cool.

Hope you enjoyed this constant stream of consciousness.

au revoir. xo

I can't help falling more and more in love with you, I think about it all the time. It makes me so happy, you make me so happy.

au revoir. xo

masala chai

recipe for reference
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KKIAeQt6QpM

Great vid, very easy to follow and fun-looking

colour of tea: as expected
difficulty at mashing ingredients together without a mortar and pestle: very
smell: 10/10
taste: 7/10 tastes less than it smells
affordability: very, most ingredients are household


I would not recommend trying to make this for the first time in the middle of the night because you will end up forgetting about it just as it begins to boil, and it will spill all over your stove top.

Also, don't forget to add sugar at the relevant time.

Ultimately...
chai in sachet: 9/10
home-made chai: 8/10
T2 chai: 10/10 but less sweet

And that ladies and gentlemen, is my professional stance on this matter

au revoir. xo

I think the more annoying thing is not the 1.5 hour chemistry practice exam, but the layout and amount of pages required to turn while self-marking.

au revoir. xo

I am selling my camera and everything pertaining to it.

For a while now, I have been craving something. It has been on the forefront of my mind but just out of reach. I have tried time and time again to pin-point what it is I wish for (not want, it's not absolutely necessary) and finally I have come to a conclusion.

A night of excitement with some unmentionables (literally, this could be anything from ice-cream to rocket ships -neither of those though) with this style music.

If this event does not occur however, the mental version will suffice for now, until it get's so unbearable that it must simply just happen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86p-4WdlYcE

au revoir. xo

deep adorations

I adore the human body, the anatomy, the muscles, the way it moves and the textures it has. I should really explore this further but quite frankly 1:21am is not the time.

au revoir. xo

L said I shouldn't consume chocolate, I try to listen to them, they're usually thinking of me anyway.

au revoir. xo

Last night I had a very strange collection of dreams
people died (again)
things a small part of me would like but in a parallel universe occurred

and it made me feel all very odd when I awoke

and today I feel all sickly so I am in bed and about to revise for psych with my yummy baked milk and dramatic attitude

au revoir. xo

It's so strange to think of you in these times,

my stomach twirls in search of answers.

That's the most questionable part.

au revoir. xo

I am currently situated in the study centre, away from all the temptations. Somewhat 'safe'.

lol at me, what am I doing?

au revoir. xo

My dreams have been reduced to chickens being squashed flat in front of their friends and some little bird running away as well as things that could go wrong in a chem prac.
I think chem is ingrained into my brain. eurhp

au revoir. xo

This morning I woke up and vacuumed the house before even reaching for my scrumptious caramel latte!
After this, I sat down and did:

• 20 physics questions
• two practice physics SACs (doesn't mean I understand it though)
• a practice psych SAC
• finished psychology notes

and now I am going to go and have a shower, make robert a sandwich for his arrival and read over my chem  presentation then edit my english draft.

This is nice because that means I can just focus on heaps of chem on the weekend and not stress out over everything (and do nothing)

:)

au revoir. xo

Waking up this morning, I was at a loss as to what topic I should choose for my english POV oral.
The age old paper vs. technology debate was dry to the bone so that was a no-go, organ donation had been done times over, cutting government funding to universities looked promising however I needed coffee just to get through the articles!
So alas, I have picked banning alcohol advertising in the media (during sporting matches???)
I can think of a nice lead in to begin my otherwise tiresome speech and perhaps some audience tastings ;) only kidding, but I could always play an ad from the 90's and compare it to now and give an enthusiastic stance with some 'heart-wrenching' stats.

oh my gosh, this is going to be so boring and yet I am glad it is so short so I don't have to babble on too long!

au revoir. xo

I am going insaneee

I am going to have a fantastic night tonight. My study buddy is coming over soon and my room is nice and warm and we will drink tea, and have candles, and then roast chicken.
:)))

au revoir. xo

practicing speed writing tomorrow morning, this shall be interesting!

au revoir. xo

P.S in all honesty I just wanted to say speed writing

Last night was nice, I had forgotten how much I missed those people.
And for once I was content with where we stand, still a completely ridiculous situation but that's just how it is and yaay I feel smiley because you're still around :)

au revoir. xo

Managed to write a somewhat average creative essay and wrap it up in only about 550 words, what.
Since when do I not write novels?!
Kind of a relief though, I'm sick of essays and they are my least fun part of school at the moment so this is fine :)

au revoir. xo

This is going to sound vain and obnoxious so deal with it.

I have been stood up for like the fourth time at least and I'm kind of sick of it, my whole day has been wasted waiting for this person then arghhh
I don't think they realize that this was for their benefit, not mine and for someone who says they care a bunch, doesn't really seem like it.

Blerp they are not taking up any more of my days with nothingness.

au revoir. xo

:)

Last night there was some private nudity on my part at a party, this morning there was a little bit of nudity in a slightly more public manner, and then I waltzed around in robert's shirt with a few friends around -in. just. his. shirt. ie. no pants

And you know what? I do not mind at all ! :)

Everything that needed to be covered was (hopefully ehehehe) so I am swell


and omg have never made out so much with anyone in my life as I did last night !!

au revoir. xo