I'm feeling de-motivationalized to do any holiday homework even though I must because I have ridiculous amounts to do.
I also want to see my friends, go out, actually live like it's the hyolidays.
But right now I don't feel like doing anything so I'm just going to watch some movies and then get up and do some more, only two little exercises for today :) And if I get that done, I am kind of where I should be.
On another note, I got my GESAC membership today. And then I realized I'd actually have to go to the gym. It's something about all those judging eyes that isn't very appealing. Well, if I go with a friend it shouldn't be too 'scary' and then eventually I shall go by myself. I just wish said friend could 100% go but as per usual, the world revolves around money, which everyone seems to be lacking. :(
So anywho, this poopy is going, and hoping to get up in higher spirits. :)
au revoir. xo
Saturday, 30 June 2012
It's funny how things turn sour before they even have time to sweeten.
In other news, I had quite an enjoyable night with kon :) We didn't do much in particular, but that's the thing. We don't always need to be, his presence is enough.
I have also noticed that I have become a more scared person if that's possible, maybe paranoid, I don't know.
au revoir. xo
In other news, I had quite an enjoyable night with kon :) We didn't do much in particular, but that's the thing. We don't always need to be, his presence is enough.
I have also noticed that I have become a more scared person if that's possible, maybe paranoid, I don't know.
au revoir. xo
Friday, 29 June 2012
salmon om nom nomie
Parents are out, cooking dinner for kon, listening to Norah Jones.
Things are perfect right now. :)
I'm not even taking notice of how tired I am. :)
au revoir. xo
Things are perfect right now. :)
I'm not even taking notice of how tired I am. :)
au revoir. xo
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
I feel really good right now :)
Things are generally going my way after some time !
:) :)
I have noticed that if my parents aren't angry at each other or me, everything else falls into place :)
I'm going on Great Vic, getting a onsie, signing up to the gym, and actually doing homework with less procrastination and stress.
And I wake up feeling good, and my relationship with my boyfriend is better than when I'm mopey and withdraw, and I have a positive attitude on life, and I'm more social with my friends.
I know it won't last, but I'll try to make my positivity stay.
On another note, by joining up to the gym, my friend is more likely to come with me (SHE WILL COME WITH ME!) and that in turn makes her feel better about herself and more happy for some time I guess.
And we can buy food at the cafe sometimes, even though I am broke (working on that one) and it shall be great and I am really excited ! :)
Before, one of my main reasons of not signing up was that I didn't want judgement from people in the gym but for now I can avoid that section and then go when I feel confident/have an ounce of knowledge about equipment.
Yaaaaays :)
au revoir. xo
At some point I COULD ride my bike to get there but we'll save that as a last resort.
Oh yeah, and my parents are so sneaky with money ! We managed to waive the joining fee, get a free session and save over $500 a year with our health fund (obviously I need to attend the gym to improve my back -which is partly true)
I tend to talk more when I'm happy, like non-stop.
Things are generally going my way after some time !
:) :)
I have noticed that if my parents aren't angry at each other or me, everything else falls into place :)
I'm going on Great Vic, getting a onsie, signing up to the gym, and actually doing homework with less procrastination and stress.
And I wake up feeling good, and my relationship with my boyfriend is better than when I'm mopey and withdraw, and I have a positive attitude on life, and I'm more social with my friends.
I know it won't last, but I'll try to make my positivity stay.
On another note, by joining up to the gym, my friend is more likely to come with me (SHE WILL COME WITH ME!) and that in turn makes her feel better about herself and more happy for some time I guess.
And we can buy food at the cafe sometimes, even though I am broke (working on that one) and it shall be great and I am really excited ! :)
Before, one of my main reasons of not signing up was that I didn't want judgement from people in the gym but for now I can avoid that section and then go when I feel confident/have an ounce of knowledge about equipment.
Yaaaaays :)
au revoir. xo
At some point I COULD ride my bike to get there but we'll save that as a last resort.
Oh yeah, and my parents are so sneaky with money ! We managed to waive the joining fee, get a free session and save over $500 a year with our health fund (obviously I need to attend the gym to improve my back -which is partly true)
I tend to talk more when I'm happy, like non-stop.
Okay so I have come up with two possible topics for the english oral.
The first is that organ donors should be automatic unless one chooses to opt out.
I prefer this point but my teacher suggested it to me, knowing that someone in another class is doing it but I think I could make some great points on it, I just don't want it too seem like I am copying the other person.
Not too sure how engage the class though.
The second is that prisoners should/should not be used for medical research and/or experiments. (Haven't decided my view on this as of yet and I need to do some more research)
However, I could start of by pin-pointing someone in the class and making them a prisoner ;) hahha and elaborate on that somehow.
Ehh, I think I'll just email her now and see where to go from there :)
au revoir. xo
edit: Got a little carried away with english (not that I did much) but it has given me a positive outlook on it so hopefully that will mean I put in effort and don't procrastinate ! :)
now to tackle down on methods, shower and perhaps take a little trip down to GESAC !
The first is that organ donors should be automatic unless one chooses to opt out.
I prefer this point but my teacher suggested it to me, knowing that someone in another class is doing it but I think I could make some great points on it, I just don't want it too seem like I am copying the other person.
Not too sure how engage the class though.
The second is that prisoners should/should not be used for medical research and/or experiments. (Haven't decided my view on this as of yet and I need to do some more research)
However, I could start of by pin-pointing someone in the class and making them a prisoner ;) hahha and elaborate on that somehow.
Ehh, I think I'll just email her now and see where to go from there :)
au revoir. xo
edit: Got a little carried away with english (not that I did much) but it has given me a positive outlook on it so hopefully that will mean I put in effort and don't procrastinate ! :)
now to tackle down on methods, shower and perhaps take a little trip down to GESAC !
So far today I have:
- finished off general homework (one exercise)
- finished the Amityville Horror
- fixed my tumblr font
- set up a new sim for my phone
- bought a micro SD card for it
All I have left is:
- spend 30mins at most trying to find an english topic
- a few exercises of methods
- watch zombieland at 9:30
- TRY to copy out some methods notes
au revoir. xo
Worst thing on youtube? People with indivicual opinions who just rant and rant about things no one cares about. Or they put on a tone that is just so irritating to listen to and does not make them any better than anyone else.
Exceptions are well-known people on youtube, not everyday teenagers with nothing to do.
au revoir. xo
Exceptions are well-known people on youtube, not everyday teenagers with nothing to do.
au revoir. xo
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
Mama Mia !
When I build my house, I am going to supervise the WHOLE thing to make sure it's perfect.
Our bathroom is in total upheaval because of one cracked tile. The man doesn't know how to grout the bathroom, and yet he knows how to make a huge mess and splatter cement-type stuff EVERYWHERE -where it should not be. He also left a thin layer of dust/cement which covered all the bench tops and everything (still in the bathroom).
And that's not the only thing.
Floors had to be checked several times when installing floorboards.
When the leaking taps in the shower were fixed, they had to be checked too, and the painted walls, and skirting boards.
And the blinds had to be sent back a few times.
At least we painted the winwows and fence ourselves so there were no problems there but seriously, these people call themselves professionals.
Give me two days, three days max, and I could learn and do a better job than them (where plumbing is not involved).
I have learnt to always check everything. Whether it's buying furniture, or renovating...anything.
Oh yeah, last time the paint guys spilt paint all over their van and our driveway.. White paint on our navy grey driveway, not a pretty site. Admittedly they did clean it up and not charge us extra for more paint so that was probably the only instant that wasn't minded.
au revoir. xo
Our bathroom is in total upheaval because of one cracked tile. The man doesn't know how to grout the bathroom, and yet he knows how to make a huge mess and splatter cement-type stuff EVERYWHERE -where it should not be. He also left a thin layer of dust/cement which covered all the bench tops and everything (still in the bathroom).
And that's not the only thing.
Floors had to be checked several times when installing floorboards.
When the leaking taps in the shower were fixed, they had to be checked too, and the painted walls, and skirting boards.
And the blinds had to be sent back a few times.
At least we painted the winwows and fence ourselves so there were no problems there but seriously, these people call themselves professionals.
Give me two days, three days max, and I could learn and do a better job than them (where plumbing is not involved).
I have learnt to always check everything. Whether it's buying furniture, or renovating...anything.
Oh yeah, last time the paint guys spilt paint all over their van and our driveway.. White paint on our navy grey driveway, not a pretty site. Admittedly they did clean it up and not charge us extra for more paint so that was probably the only instant that wasn't minded.
au revoir. xo
Monday, 25 June 2012
Deleted my secret blog because I checked it for the first time in a while and there were just depressing posts that weren't really doing me any good, and there was no point in keeping them.
But anyone who knows me that I hate throwing things away, or deleting writing and such but this was an uplifting experience. :)
Keep in mind there wasn't really THAT much on there anyway !
au revoir. xo
But anyone who knows me that I hate throwing things away, or deleting writing and such but this was an uplifting experience. :)
Keep in mind there wasn't really THAT much on there anyway !
au revoir. xo
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Just finished the first season of the walking dead so here's my little review of it.
~may contain spoilers~
The season starts off suspenseful with the protagonist looking for gas, instead, discovering a zombie girl, and proceeding to shoot her in the head. Here, we see the what is in store for us, about every 5 minutes throughout the rest of the season. I still do not know how this little snippet links in with the rest of the story line as I'm finding it difficult to pin point a time where this even could have actually occured. (Must have been after he was shot and healed as the virus was not known beforehand and he would have freaked-like he initially did after the hospital, but then he goes another path so hmmm...)
Oooh, I thoroughly enjoyed the hospital scene, well the little corridor part anyway, leading up to the door because the background just looked amazing and depleted (also shown in episode six).
After this chilling event, things get a little slow as depth is added to the plot and he wonders around slowly and aimlessly (which is all back-storied in the last ep anyway).
In most episodes, the best parts are about 10 seconds before the completion (especially the first ep)
Progressing through the season, it becomes less scary to watch, by yourself, in the dark, at night.. after the initial gore in the first episode and subsequent loud noises.
On thing on sounds is however, that it keeps jumping so it is difficult to maintain a constant level unless you want the whole cinema-feel in which case you'd have the volume on max the whole time, with periodic inclines and declines of sound randomly.
The zombies are portrayed quite well, if not the best I have seen and they even attended zombie school (during shooting) in order to master the walk. Make-up is also done extremely well and they are very realistic-looking, which just makes the graphic scenes of chopped heads and half-eaten bodies all the more chilling and gruesome.
Relationships between characters form as expected and yet I am still left wondering what the characters names are upon finishing. But maybe, that's due to my own goldfish memory.
On thing I did enjoy however, was the fact that almost every little thing becomes apparently significant at one point or another.
Hmm, as many twists and turns that are put into the plot, there is still that inevitable zombie-apocalypse-so-this-whole-thing-will-be-about-survival thought in the back of my head. But there's really no way around that.
There are stark similarities in some parts with When the War Began but admittedly, I loved that movie. Well, the first half, and temper trap in the soundtrack.
This show is quite good, but would have been perfect if it weren't for the whole focus on pretty much just survival because straight story lines aren't the most interesting thing to follow.
Oh yeah, there was also about 5 seconds of passion but this isn't that type of show so I didn't really expect much more in that department.
Some aspects are really obvious so the show fluffs around in some parts but then again there are some situations where you wonder how on earth they can escape/move on.
So overall, I give season one: ★★★★☆ (that's four out of five stars for those who struggle)
And I'd like to remind you that this is actually quite a high rating! And although I am a huge wimp, I enjoyed being frightened sometimes. Some.
au revoir. xo
~may contain spoilers~
The season starts off suspenseful with the protagonist looking for gas, instead, discovering a zombie girl, and proceeding to shoot her in the head. Here, we see the what is in store for us, about every 5 minutes throughout the rest of the season. I still do not know how this little snippet links in with the rest of the story line as I'm finding it difficult to pin point a time where this even could have actually occured. (Must have been after he was shot and healed as the virus was not known beforehand and he would have freaked-like he initially did after the hospital, but then he goes another path so hmmm...)
Oooh, I thoroughly enjoyed the hospital scene, well the little corridor part anyway, leading up to the door because the background just looked amazing and depleted (also shown in episode six).
After this chilling event, things get a little slow as depth is added to the plot and he wonders around slowly and aimlessly (which is all back-storied in the last ep anyway).
In most episodes, the best parts are about 10 seconds before the completion (especially the first ep)
Progressing through the season, it becomes less scary to watch, by yourself, in the dark, at night.. after the initial gore in the first episode and subsequent loud noises.
On thing on sounds is however, that it keeps jumping so it is difficult to maintain a constant level unless you want the whole cinema-feel in which case you'd have the volume on max the whole time, with periodic inclines and declines of sound randomly.
The zombies are portrayed quite well, if not the best I have seen and they even attended zombie school (during shooting) in order to master the walk. Make-up is also done extremely well and they are very realistic-looking, which just makes the graphic scenes of chopped heads and half-eaten bodies all the more chilling and gruesome.
Relationships between characters form as expected and yet I am still left wondering what the characters names are upon finishing. But maybe, that's due to my own goldfish memory.
On thing I did enjoy however, was the fact that almost every little thing becomes apparently significant at one point or another.
Hmm, as many twists and turns that are put into the plot, there is still that inevitable zombie-apocalypse-so-this-whole-thing-will-be-about-survival thought in the back of my head. But there's really no way around that.
There are stark similarities in some parts with When the War Began but admittedly, I loved that movie. Well, the first half, and temper trap in the soundtrack.
This show is quite good, but would have been perfect if it weren't for the whole focus on pretty much just survival because straight story lines aren't the most interesting thing to follow.
Oh yeah, there was also about 5 seconds of passion but this isn't that type of show so I didn't really expect much more in that department.
Some aspects are really obvious so the show fluffs around in some parts but then again there are some situations where you wonder how on earth they can escape/move on.
So overall, I give season one: ★★★★☆ (that's four out of five stars for those who struggle)
And I'd like to remind you that this is actually quite a high rating! And although I am a huge wimp, I enjoyed being frightened sometimes. Some.
au revoir. xo
I was wasting time on tumblr when I came across quite a peculiar blog.
I promptly followed, and noticed that they only follow back if they are fond of your blog.
Guess what? They followed back, and inboxed.
"I am in adoration of this blog. Thank you for bringing yourself to my little corner."
It made me smile, that my little blog, one where I post what I like -and not to please anyone else and someone likes it ! :)
au revoir. xo
Saturday, 23 June 2012
Friday, 22 June 2012
more lomo talk
This is more of a post to keep a record of findings, if you will.
Trying to decide between the Diana+, Diana F+ and the La Sardina (specifically, with Flash - Orinoco Ochre)
Could also get a fisheye 2 camera but the features are limited (I would buy the underwater package in this case...maybe, it's lots of monies though). But I don't know, swaying away from fisheyes for now...
http://australia.shop.lomography.com -another site to buy off
Or I could just completely ditch this site and find one off another.
Or I could just buy a disposable camera....
TOO MANY OPTIONS !
Need to look these up at some later stage:
Now, I do have an analog camera at home which is quite old but it's not a common style so it's very difficult to try and figure out it's features -plus mum would kill me if I broke it.
I like looking this stuff up -before I spent to much time on it and it becomes tedious ! :)
Throughout all this, I am just imagining photographing one of my adventures with konrad despite our non-photogenicy because it's just too cute :) :)
au revoir. xo
P.S Need to get onto fining a onsie !
- the Diana+ is cheaper than the Diana F+ (but the F+ has heaps of extra attachments and such)
- the Diana + has heaps of lens/flash/ other attachments, not sure if they work with the Diana F+ though
- both use 120mm film
- although cheaper Diana+ does not come with flash so it ends up costing just a little more with this accessory
- the splitzer attachment works with both cameras
- seems that some of the lenses are compatible with both cameras (need to check up on this though) and I am failing to find many differences between them
- lenses are pricey !!
- 35mm film back works with both cameras, but it's $68, eeep !
- 35mm film is significantly cheaper than 120mm film (plus you'll need to pay to develop the photos and what-not)
- I have no clue about which film is the best so that will have to be later research (there are different types of the same film size)
- leather camera bags are $60 but I can honestly make my own for cheaper ! (will need to use leather)
- flash cases are also available which will prove much needed !
- the store has more range after you click 'buy now' on a product (don't confuse yourself, it's not the same store- it's like the checkout)
- http://www.lomography.ashop.com.au/p/1212085/fisheye-no2---i-love-you-i-love-lomo.html cutest present ;) tehehehe
- generally, I'd rather go with the Diana F+ seeing as most attachments are available on it because it works out cheaper in the end
- also, it seems that the Diana F+ camera has more features in the camera itself
Now the sardina
- http://www.lomography.ashop.com.au/p/5821057/la-sardina---belle-starr.html (so pretty)
- uses 35mm film so cheaper to run, therefore more photos for the same price
- easy multiple exposures
- wide-angle lens already
- $150 which is a little more expensive than the initial Diana camera but there are no attachments for this one so no ongoing costs in this department
I would go with the Diana F+ camera in a second if it used 35mm film, but perhaps I could scour ebay for a cheaper back
Could also get a fisheye 2 camera but the features are limited (I would buy the underwater package in this case...maybe, it's lots of monies though). But I don't know, swaying away from fisheyes for now...
http://australia.shop.lomography.com -another site to buy off
Or I could just completely ditch this site and find one off another.
Or I could just buy a disposable camera....
TOO MANY OPTIONS !
Need to look these up at some later stage:
- Canon T1I
- Canon Powershot
- Canon AE-1
- Yashica T5D
- Diana F+
- Lomo LC-A+
- Minolta XA
- Yashica Electro GSN 35
- Polaroid
- Canon Sure Shot A-1 Underwater
Now, I do have an analog camera at home which is quite old but it's not a common style so it's very difficult to try and figure out it's features -plus mum would kill me if I broke it.
I like looking this stuff up -before I spent to much time on it and it becomes tedious ! :)
Throughout all this, I am just imagining photographing one of my adventures with konrad despite our non-photogenicy because it's just too cute :) :)
au revoir. xo
P.S Need to get onto fining a onsie !
lomolomolomolomolomo
My fingers are tingling and trying to resist the urge to enter in one of my parents credit cards online to buy a lomo camera.
It's been about a year since my last urge to buy one (when I didn't) and eeeep, I reaaallyy want one all over again ! It would be so ridiculously fun and make me so happy :)
I swear, all my problems would be solved if I worked, but I can't, so they aren't.
#oneday
au revoir. xo
P.s My posts are quite boring as of late so I'll try to spice things up soon ! :)
It's been about a year since my last urge to buy one (when I didn't) and eeeep, I reaaallyy want one all over again ! It would be so ridiculously fun and make me so happy :)
I swear, all my problems would be solved if I worked, but I can't, so they aren't.
#oneday
au revoir. xo
P.s My posts are quite boring as of late so I'll try to spice things up soon ! :)
Imagine if the internet shut down for a day, 24 hours. Understandably there are some whose job depends on it, which would still be running but other than that, boom shut down.
No more social networking, online shopping, nothing.
For once people would appreciate what the planet has and go out and be productive. (Ignoring the mass amounts of lazy people who would sleep through the day)
This isn't such a ridiculous idea. Boom, satellite hit, no communications.
It would be the most interesting thing one could experience I think.
au revoir. xo
No more social networking, online shopping, nothing.
For once people would appreciate what the planet has and go out and be productive. (Ignoring the mass amounts of lazy people who would sleep through the day)
This isn't such a ridiculous idea. Boom, satellite hit, no communications.
It would be the most interesting thing one could experience I think.
au revoir. xo
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
I don't care what you people say but I am wearing a rubber band again so that I can remind myself tomorrow of how disappointed I am in myself. For every question I get stumped on, I'll look and see why, my wrist will tell all.
I will be reminded that no matter how hard I try, there will always be things in my way and I'll always be second-best, in everything. So hopefully, my poor marks will come of no surprise when we get them back, and I'll just look at my wrist and see why- another thing I can only be second-best in.
I can't wait for saturday night when I can just break down and sleep the whole of Sunday and avoid everyone. But first, I must fix another and keep my 'problems' to myself.
au revoir. xo
I will be reminded that no matter how hard I try, there will always be things in my way and I'll always be second-best, in everything. So hopefully, my poor marks will come of no surprise when we get them back, and I'll just look at my wrist and see why- another thing I can only be second-best in.
I can't wait for saturday night when I can just break down and sleep the whole of Sunday and avoid everyone. But first, I must fix another and keep my 'problems' to myself.
au revoir. xo
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Chem-hoven?
I'm listening to classical music as I study for chem.
Such a representation of my high-class and/or spending too much time with mendel, although we have never listened to classical music together.
It's actually very good and relaxing and has no words so I can actually focus ! :)
au revoir. xo
Such a representation of my high-class and/or spending too much time with mendel, although we have never listened to classical music together.
It's actually very good and relaxing and has no words so I can actually focus ! :)
au revoir. xo
Sometimes when I wake up, I feel as if I have been holding my breath while I slept.
I just awake and take a massive breath, as if the first for the day.
It's strange but I don't know what's going on so whatevs. :)
In other news, found a rubber band in my bed last night- must have fallen off my table.
Well, that only meant one thing. But I need to stop before people think I'm emo or something. I'm not, I just like the feel. WORDS OF AN EMO I TELL YOU :P :P
But anywho, it was fine until someone reminded me the other day and then I found it last night, so as long as I don't see them, its fine :) And let me just tell you, rubber bands aren't as common in the household as you may think !
so lalallala going to try and study heaps today :) what a joke, but I like to hope.
au revoir. xo
I just awake and take a massive breath, as if the first for the day.
It's strange but I don't know what's going on so whatevs. :)
In other news, found a rubber band in my bed last night- must have fallen off my table.
Well, that only meant one thing. But I need to stop before people think I'm emo or something. I'm not, I just like the feel. WORDS OF AN EMO I TELL YOU :P :P
But anywho, it was fine until someone reminded me the other day and then I found it last night, so as long as I don't see them, its fine :) And let me just tell you, rubber bands aren't as common in the household as you may think !
so lalallala going to try and study heaps today :) what a joke, but I like to hope.
au revoir. xo
Monday, 11 June 2012
Morning ramblings !
I wonder to myself as I wake up, how would life be different if I was still living in Adelaide?
Obviously I wouldn't know all the melbournians and more importantly kon.
Would I be...happy? What would my friends be like? Would I be into the same things? Would I want to try the same things and buy the same clothes? How close would Gabs and I be?
Would I have a boyfriend? Considering how awkward I was when kon and I began going out, I doubt it. but I think to myself, I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend at the time, so how on earth was he attracted to me when I was such a freak? (Admittedly, i'm still a little freakish, but I keep that one a secret and mostly between us)
And to be honest I think it would be worse *shock horror*. I mean, because I am such a socially awkward person, everyone would know me and it would be difficult to change. I can say that I was definitely not like I am now when I moved. Starting two new schools has let me try out new things, be a little more confident each time.
I don't know, for some reason I imagine myself as being a superficial person... And I'm pretty certain that I would have like two friends, lolz. I already communicate to heaps more people than I thought I would, and I'm more open to meeting new people through others or just speaking to them in my daily life.
I don't know, I feel as if I would be this little insecure girl in adelaide, but I still wonder what it would be like. All the opportunities that I could have had. Maybe I could have a proper relationship with a least one of my parents.
au revoir. xo
Obviously I wouldn't know all the melbournians and more importantly kon.
Would I be...happy? What would my friends be like? Would I be into the same things? Would I want to try the same things and buy the same clothes? How close would Gabs and I be?
Would I have a boyfriend? Considering how awkward I was when kon and I began going out, I doubt it. but I think to myself, I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend at the time, so how on earth was he attracted to me when I was such a freak? (Admittedly, i'm still a little freakish, but I keep that one a secret and mostly between us)
And to be honest I think it would be worse *shock horror*. I mean, because I am such a socially awkward person, everyone would know me and it would be difficult to change. I can say that I was definitely not like I am now when I moved. Starting two new schools has let me try out new things, be a little more confident each time.
I don't know, for some reason I imagine myself as being a superficial person... And I'm pretty certain that I would have like two friends, lolz. I already communicate to heaps more people than I thought I would, and I'm more open to meeting new people through others or just speaking to them in my daily life.
I don't know, I feel as if I would be this little insecure girl in adelaide, but I still wonder what it would be like. All the opportunities that I could have had. Maybe I could have a proper relationship with a least one of my parents.
au revoir. xo
Go Lizzie !
Just dropped to the ground and did 10 pushups, 20 crunches and 50 situps, just like that.
And earlier on I did another 10 pushups, and ill do another 10 just before I go to bed.
It's not much, but it's better than nothing. :)
au revoir. xo
And earlier on I did another 10 pushups, and ill do another 10 just before I go to bed.
It's not much, but it's better than nothing. :)
au revoir. xo
Sunday, 10 June 2012
So encompassed by chemistry.
Is it possible to create the perfect world in your dreams?
Through lucid dreaming or something.. because that would be amazing.
There would really be no reason to get up and live though.. annnndd I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing OVERALL.
But heck, it would be cool !
Also, I looked up Felice Fawn and it turns out that I knew of her beforehand, when I was looking through anorexic tumblrs and found her actual blog by accident. [I do this weird thing where I look at this type of blog which actually reminds me to do things the healthy way-most of the time.]
She is very triggering and looks good in half the pictures (only half though) however I read a few posts from the countless pro and against blogs people have created about her and came to a few conclusions.
1. She is no longer triggering when one reads like 50 posts about her and sees that she feeds off attention. That's really sad, she has no control of her life and that is the most off-putting thing about her. So while she is too skinny and what-not, that is all thrown out the window when you find out about the attention thing. (yes, I did just agree with her weight to a certain extent)
and 2. I cannot fathom how people can become so obsessed with someone else. It's ridiculous. These people actually spend their lives online because they like her so much. Posting her whole life online doesn't help but its like, if she eats, they eat, if she goes to the bathroom, they go. It's so over the top and these people actually have just as little control over their lives as she does.
Bonus point 3. Understandably, most of her fan base is also struggling with some sort of disorder, whether it's eating or not. Instead of being a positive role model, she helps to suck these helpless people into a bottomless pit which is incredibly hard to get out of. These people are just killing themselves by the thousands through lack of health etc. and she is a major contributer. Going to try and leave her name out of it if I decide to tell anyone about her. (Don't look her up JHD. Or at least don't think it's good, please.)
Which leads me to think, how different would we all be without the media's influence? There's a question to ponder.
au revoir. xo
Through lucid dreaming or something.. because that would be amazing.
There would really be no reason to get up and live though.. annnndd I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing OVERALL.
But heck, it would be cool !
Also, I looked up Felice Fawn and it turns out that I knew of her beforehand, when I was looking through anorexic tumblrs and found her actual blog by accident. [I do this weird thing where I look at this type of blog which actually reminds me to do things the healthy way-most of the time.]
She is very triggering and looks good in half the pictures (only half though) however I read a few posts from the countless pro and against blogs people have created about her and came to a few conclusions.
1. She is no longer triggering when one reads like 50 posts about her and sees that she feeds off attention. That's really sad, she has no control of her life and that is the most off-putting thing about her. So while she is too skinny and what-not, that is all thrown out the window when you find out about the attention thing. (yes, I did just agree with her weight to a certain extent)
and 2. I cannot fathom how people can become so obsessed with someone else. It's ridiculous. These people actually spend their lives online because they like her so much. Posting her whole life online doesn't help but its like, if she eats, they eat, if she goes to the bathroom, they go. It's so over the top and these people actually have just as little control over their lives as she does.
Bonus point 3. Understandably, most of her fan base is also struggling with some sort of disorder, whether it's eating or not. Instead of being a positive role model, she helps to suck these helpless people into a bottomless pit which is incredibly hard to get out of. These people are just killing themselves by the thousands through lack of health etc. and she is a major contributer. Going to try and leave her name out of it if I decide to tell anyone about her. (Don't look her up JHD. Or at least don't think it's good, please.)
Which leads me to think, how different would we all be without the media's influence? There's a question to ponder.
au revoir. xo
I want to read a book in the holidays. Read for me. Maybe I'll even start a little earlier. But I want to read, I miss reading. It hasn't happened for so long.
Maybe I'll read The perks of being a wallflower, maybe I won't. Who knows.
au revoir. xo
P.S I found a chem revision sheet thing so now I can finally end procrastination and go and study.
Even though today is my chem day, I think I'll study heaps until like 8:30pm when Downtown Abbey is on then I'll switch to my psych mind map because I don't need 100% focus (supposed to be finished yesterday but I made a video instead, I regret nothing)
Here is a completely random list of books, more for my own archive than anything.
Maybe I'll read The perks of being a wallflower, maybe I won't. Who knows.
au revoir. xo
P.S I found a chem revision sheet thing so now I can finally end procrastination and go and study.
Even though today is my chem day, I think I'll study heaps until like 8:30pm when Downtown Abbey is on then I'll switch to my psych mind map because I don't need 100% focus (supposed to be finished yesterday but I made a video instead, I regret nothing)
Here is a completely random list of books, more for my own archive than anything.
- Neil Gaiman, Fragile Things
- Nabokov, Lolita
- Lauren Oliver, Delirium
- David Levithan, The Realm of Possibility
- Audrey Niffenegger -Her Fearful Symmetry (if I like Time Traveller’s wife- sitting on my bookshelf)
- John Green- The fault in our stars
- Neil Gaiman- stardust
- Ian McEwen- atonement
- Stephen Chbosky- perks of being a wallflower
- Mikhail Bulgakov- Master and Margarita
- William Styron- Sophie’s choice
- Mark Matousek-When you’re falling, dive
- Neil Gaiman- stardust
Friday, 8 June 2012
I am positively dead after a matter of things today.
Here's the proof.
Such a derp omg.
Today was a mix of one of my best and one of my not so great days.
Before you muddle up which is which, the not so great day was in terms of exam revision and the best day was with konraddy :)
I am now FINALLY off to sleep and I really hope I can be awake tomorrow.
I am now confident in neither physics nor general.
*sign hopefully I go okay
And then the mega stress begins afterwards.
If kon will take me, I might go to his after school because I feel we need a little chat full of giggles and urns and other silly things to remind us of who we are. :)
Goodnight world, someone call me to wake me up at nine or I wont make the exam.
au revoir. xo
Here's the proof.
Today was a mix of one of my best and one of my not so great days.
Before you muddle up which is which, the not so great day was in terms of exam revision and the best day was with konraddy :)
I am now FINALLY off to sleep and I really hope I can be awake tomorrow.
I am now confident in neither physics nor general.
*sign hopefully I go okay
And then the mega stress begins afterwards.
If kon will take me, I might go to his after school because I feel we need a little chat full of giggles and urns and other silly things to remind us of who we are. :)
Goodnight world, someone call me to wake me up at nine or I wont make the exam.
au revoir. xo
Thursday, 7 June 2012
I am legit about to have a panic attack if I'm not having one already.
Fuckkk I'm so angry at myself.
It's like I purposely sabotage myself. First with two tests the next day, NOW WITH TWO EXAMS. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't even have time to make myself food and I'm starving and I'm sooo stressed which will make me tired and arghh I tried so hard this term. I tried so hard to study this week and now it's all fucked up and and I won't go as well as I could have, again. And there's nothing I can do about it now because I can't get that time back.
And I still need to write like a page of physics summary and two practice exams which will take 3 hours and then BEGIN general.
And yes, I am angry at everyone.
Fuckkk I'm so angry at myself.
It's like I purposely sabotage myself. First with two tests the next day, NOW WITH TWO EXAMS. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't even have time to make myself food and I'm starving and I'm sooo stressed which will make me tired and arghh I tried so hard this term. I tried so hard to study this week and now it's all fucked up and and I won't go as well as I could have, again. And there's nothing I can do about it now because I can't get that time back.
And I still need to write like a page of physics summary and two practice exams which will take 3 hours and then BEGIN general.
And yes, I am angry at everyone.
Fuck this. I did no study yet AGAIN and the stress of exams has finally hit me.
However, the conversation I had was definitely worth it.
I am going to sleep and dragging myself out of bed at like 8-9am to do some study.
I can already see failures in this plan but I need to remain hopeful otherwise I have nothing.
I was going to give my electronics to my parents but they're being strange and will only get home at like 8pm.
So I will try my hardest not to use the internet much tomorrow !
au revoir. xo
However, the conversation I had was definitely worth it.
I am going to sleep and dragging myself out of bed at like 8-9am to do some study.
I can already see failures in this plan but I need to remain hopeful otherwise I have nothing.
I was going to give my electronics to my parents but they're being strange and will only get home at like 8pm.
So I will try my hardest not to use the internet much tomorrow !
au revoir. xo
"I understand that you guys may have some unresolved issues, but it would be nice if you could deal with those without using [me] as a medium."
This sums up my life so well, in fact I may just have to say it it is the single-most thing I am sure of. Second single-most. But seriously, I had never worded it like this when this was the direct thought I was having.
I have smart friends. :)
au revoir. xo
This sums up my life so well, in fact I may just have to say it it is the single-most thing I am sure of. Second single-most. But seriously, I had never worded it like this when this was the direct thought I was having.
I have smart friends. :)
au revoir. xo
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
I hate it when people are all like, "if everyone was blind, we would find out who's beautiful based on their personality".
Hmm.... so much wrong.
Firstly, I highly doubt everyone is ever going to be blind.
Although there is inner beauty, is the conventional skin-deep beauty just thrown out the window all of a sudden?
Some of us can actually see who is beautiful through, without the need for an eye apocalypse.
And I'm fairy certain people would find a sneaky way to be 'beautiful'.
Wait wait, hold uuuup. Is it just our goal to be able to categorise people in life? Can't there be more to it? Surely, a person with some flaws, whether is be personality based, or not, is still a good person. I mean, are we grouping it as beautiful and not? And is a non-beautiful person perceived more negatively [in society]? Why so? I'm sure there's more to it than that.
And what about 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'? One cannot simply label people like this when there are endless opinions.
#endrant
This rant is probably only understandable to myself and that's fine. I also struggled with typing cohesively and quickly today for some reason. eghh.
au revoir. xo
Hmm.... so much wrong.
Firstly, I highly doubt everyone is ever going to be blind.
Although there is inner beauty, is the conventional skin-deep beauty just thrown out the window all of a sudden?
Some of us can actually see who is beautiful through, without the need for an eye apocalypse.
And I'm fairy certain people would find a sneaky way to be 'beautiful'.
Wait wait, hold uuuup. Is it just our goal to be able to categorise people in life? Can't there be more to it? Surely, a person with some flaws, whether is be personality based, or not, is still a good person. I mean, are we grouping it as beautiful and not? And is a non-beautiful person perceived more negatively [in society]? Why so? I'm sure there's more to it than that.
And what about 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'? One cannot simply label people like this when there are endless opinions.
#endrant
This rant is probably only understandable to myself and that's fine. I also struggled with typing cohesively and quickly today for some reason. eghh.
au revoir. xo
Today was a little bit of a mess. I woke up later than I hoped, spent some time on the phone and just got distracted overall which I cannot seem to conquer !
However, my work station was kind of organised (only because I was on the main table seeing as my table is too messy, oh the irony!)
But anyways, I don't think spending 6 hours on english is very productive. I don't even know what I did that whole time- well I do but it's embarrassing to the studious world.
Not seeing any productivity happening tomorrow either, but I really need to get all this revision done !
Okay so I have 1.5 days to do the following:
Also, I haven't had that bath I have been dying to, but I can just imagine lying there thinking about how much time I am wasting and not studying so I think it will be a while before it happens, which is a shame. :(
Anyways, I am off to sleep not too late so if I wake up feeling fresh tomorrow then I shall go early and if not, well we shall see what happens ! (It's times like these I wish now was the time mum didn't work, instead she is busy turning the power on and off -no joke, she did it again today because she was trying to fix the washing machine even though she probably blew the power connector thing yesterday while she was messing around, such a derp I swear)
I am oh so thirsty for orange juice so I shall have to leave this here.
au revoir. xo
P.S. colouring summary sheet titles red to make the red an even shade, the next level of procrastination.
I have no idea how I type these posts out so fast but it takes me over an hour to write a proper english essay -.- Rhetorical statement.
However, my work station was kind of organised (only because I was on the main table seeing as my table is too messy, oh the irony!)
~click image to enlarge~
that little roll-looking thing is in fact a crepe with hazelnut stuff inside (pretty much nutella)But anyways, I don't think spending 6 hours on english is very productive. I don't even know what I did that whole time- well I do but it's embarrassing to the studious world.
Not seeing any productivity happening tomorrow either, but I really need to get all this revision done !
Okay so I have 1.5 days to do the following:
- physics summary sheet
- 2 physics practice exams
- Nuclear radioactivity test (should be pretty easy)
- General complex numbers booklet (like 5 pages lol)
- Search through my general textbook to find stuff that's not in the revision pack because my teacher is a derp
- Look through past physics papers and tests to find mistakes and mentally correct them/put them on my summary sheet
- Wake up at 8am on thursday so I don't waste the whole day again !
And then the panic of I-have-to-learn-2-hard-chapters-for-chem steps in after Friday's exams ! eeeeep.
I'm such a stress-head but I just need to get through it all !
Oh, and I have like 5 exercises of methods due on friday but I am just going to try and avoid my teacher for another two weeks so that I have time to do it without detracting from valuable study time. Actually, I could hand it in now but I don't really fancy a medium mark when I have tried so hard to do EVERY question instead of every like three, like most other people.
I have such a fun life at the moment !
I don't really mind studying, its the motivation and perseverance to do so that's the issue !
Also, I haven't had that bath I have been dying to, but I can just imagine lying there thinking about how much time I am wasting and not studying so I think it will be a while before it happens, which is a shame. :(
And I don't know whether to go to school normal time tomorrow to study in the library or come later. The only thing is, it's such a hassle and so time-consuming to get my own transport to school. Some days I actually consider calling a cab !
Anyways, I am off to sleep not too late so if I wake up feeling fresh tomorrow then I shall go early and if not, well we shall see what happens ! (It's times like these I wish now was the time mum didn't work, instead she is busy turning the power on and off -no joke, she did it again today because she was trying to fix the washing machine even though she probably blew the power connector thing yesterday while she was messing around, such a derp I swear)
I am oh so thirsty for orange juice so I shall have to leave this here.
au revoir. xo
P.S. colouring summary sheet titles red to make the red an even shade, the next level of procrastination.
I have no idea how I type these posts out so fast but it takes me over an hour to write a proper english essay -.- Rhetorical statement.
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
Is it wrong to half-conform to gender stereotypes?
Then again, if both people are contributing equally in a relationship, financially speaking, then is that conforming to stereotypes or breaking them?
I certainly know that I will not be a housewife who cooks dinner and cleans everything, I'd rather those tasks be split equally.
Nor am I an advocate for just one person being financially stable because there's that little element of trust that I can simply never give away. All kinds of things happen. Call me naïve or close-minded, but money is undoubtedly one of the most important things to sustain life. Take note, I said one of, not the.
Also, I am very interested to find a person who can explain to me the downfall of getting a pre-nup. Like, maybe I am being close-minded but I struggle to find a negative. If for some reason a couple separates then BAM hello savior pre-nup. If you're so very confident that the relationship will last, in circumstances where marriage is a result of love, not money, then why object to a pre-nup? I mean, if you're going to be with that person for the rest of your life anyway, then the pre-nup will have no involvement in anything anyway. Can you really find a non self-beneficial reason for someone not to get one?
As someone who plans to be both financially and career stable as an individual, I do not want someone leeching off me on top of any heartbreak and life-crisis' I may face.
I have a friend who is involved in a situation like this and I see that the repercussions of bumming and financial instability continue into the next generation and affect the children too.
and no, kon. This is NOT about you in any way, or our relationship for that matter, it is just a general thought so no need to freak out if you are doing so :)
Also, I would like to note that I am currently in the midst of whipping up an english essay for tomorrows exam which is about this very thing !
Sidenote, passion pit is amazing.
That is all for now, but expect another post later on tonight ! :)
au revoir. xo
Then again, if both people are contributing equally in a relationship, financially speaking, then is that conforming to stereotypes or breaking them?
I certainly know that I will not be a housewife who cooks dinner and cleans everything, I'd rather those tasks be split equally.
Nor am I an advocate for just one person being financially stable because there's that little element of trust that I can simply never give away. All kinds of things happen. Call me naïve or close-minded, but money is undoubtedly one of the most important things to sustain life. Take note, I said one of, not the.
Also, I am very interested to find a person who can explain to me the downfall of getting a pre-nup. Like, maybe I am being close-minded but I struggle to find a negative. If for some reason a couple separates then BAM hello savior pre-nup. If you're so very confident that the relationship will last, in circumstances where marriage is a result of love, not money, then why object to a pre-nup? I mean, if you're going to be with that person for the rest of your life anyway, then the pre-nup will have no involvement in anything anyway. Can you really find a non self-beneficial reason for someone not to get one?
As someone who plans to be both financially and career stable as an individual, I do not want someone leeching off me on top of any heartbreak and life-crisis' I may face.
I have a friend who is involved in a situation like this and I see that the repercussions of bumming and financial instability continue into the next generation and affect the children too.
and no, kon. This is NOT about you in any way, or our relationship for that matter, it is just a general thought so no need to freak out if you are doing so :)
Also, I would like to note that I am currently in the midst of whipping up an english essay for tomorrows exam which is about this very thing !
Sidenote, passion pit is amazing.
That is all for now, but expect another post later on tonight ! :)
au revoir. xo
Monday, 4 June 2012
I'm legit living in a mental institute.
Other than all the crazy shit my mother does, she has taken to turning the power off which activates the house alarm. She knows this might I add, so then while it's going off she yells about how stupid everyone is for installing it and covering her ears. It's like, no shit Sherlock, the alarm is there for a reason so what the fuck are you doing?
I also find it perfectly reasonable to start exam revision at 10:30pm (I don't have school tomorrow though, tehehe so sneaky!)
au revoir. xo
Other than all the crazy shit my mother does, she has taken to turning the power off which activates the house alarm. She knows this might I add, so then while it's going off she yells about how stupid everyone is for installing it and covering her ears. It's like, no shit Sherlock, the alarm is there for a reason so what the fuck are you doing?
I also find it perfectly reasonable to start exam revision at 10:30pm (I don't have school tomorrow though, tehehe so sneaky!)
au revoir. xo
Ramblings of a smart little cookie
Took some valerian that mum bought (it's in one of those multivitamin looking bottles that you can buy from the supermarket).
Also started taking some other tablet that increases memory, attention span and something else (clearly it's not working yet) but it's all legal so hopefully I'll be a smart little cookie during exams ! :)
I'm not freaking out yet, which is always a good sign!
Anyways, today I got heaaaps of general done... As in 20 pages of the booklet/7 FULL pages of working out, go meee ! And then just a third of a page of my physics summary page but when you see it, it will blow your mind because no joke, the writing is tiny! Technically speaking, it's three lines for every line and I even had to find thinner pens so I could write that small ! And I was supposed to do some English too seeing as I'm seeing my teacher tomorrow about it but I had no time so too bad :p
But I'm feeling confident so that's good :)
And I've set out revision for the next twoish weeks so hopefully I'll stick to that as much as I can, and I've taken the risky decision not to study for psych and chem before next weekend and focus on these exams seeing as I'm not struggling with them too much and it's time I can not afford to waste.
But anyways, I should be knocked out any moment now so I better go before I fall asleep with my iPad !
au revoir. xo
Also started taking some other tablet that increases memory, attention span and something else (clearly it's not working yet) but it's all legal so hopefully I'll be a smart little cookie during exams ! :)
I'm not freaking out yet, which is always a good sign!
Anyways, today I got heaaaps of general done... As in 20 pages of the booklet/7 FULL pages of working out, go meee ! And then just a third of a page of my physics summary page but when you see it, it will blow your mind because no joke, the writing is tiny! Technically speaking, it's three lines for every line and I even had to find thinner pens so I could write that small ! And I was supposed to do some English too seeing as I'm seeing my teacher tomorrow about it but I had no time so too bad :p
But I'm feeling confident so that's good :)
And I've set out revision for the next twoish weeks so hopefully I'll stick to that as much as I can, and I've taken the risky decision not to study for psych and chem before next weekend and focus on these exams seeing as I'm not struggling with them too much and it's time I can not afford to waste.
But anyways, I should be knocked out any moment now so I better go before I fall asleep with my iPad !
au revoir. xo
Sunday, 3 June 2012
The ups and downs of Saturday the second of June.
The day began with an early as game of tennis with irritable father driving me.
Although I only played doubles and at a mediocre level, the team won by 4 games. Yays, grand final on the 23rd, noos there's a party the night before so I can't get drunk (like I even drink anyways...)
The middle of the day was occupied with extensive amounts of procrastination although study was just revision and wasn't supposed to be difficult. And just before that, there was a surprise visit between kon and I which entailed me fumbling with the seatbelt, then leaping out of the car to the innocent passerby that was he, to the dismay of my beeping father who held up a row of car. We exchanged a quick hug and funny little kiss and I was off to go home.
Oh yeah, I also went to the optometrist beforehand where I proceeded to meow (no one noticed, phew) after my eye was attacked by a spurt of air, 'testing the pressure' they call it.
During alleged study, I found myself consuming tea leaves. Yes people, you heard right. The stuff that's in the bag after you drink the tea. In my defense it was almond tea so this type was actually quite yummy ! (not like green tea) added bonus was that the leaves have next to nothing in calories but still fill you up ! I also ate like a bowl of watermelon. And take note that I was only trying to eat a minimal amount of calories because I had a monster of a breakfast !
As part of procrastination I also cut my nails, nearly chopping one of them in half (you're not supposed to do that,if you're wondering). And devised a sneaky little plan! You see, I was really getting into triple J and well, they have free downloads and seeing as it is extremely tedious to find and download single tracks yourself, I decided to get the ones of their site. One problem. I have 5GB of internet a month. Now, it is possible to scrape through the month without using it up if minimal audio/videos are downloaded (in conjunction with tumblr) however I found myself getting a few tracks and before I knew it, tumblr was loading too slowly in comparison to how it should in the first week, whoopsies ! So here's the part with the plan! I have songs I need to download, yes? The school has internet, yes? I can freely access that internet whilst in class, yes? YES ! the only thing is I need to spread it out over a few days so they don't pick up on it and yell at me and that's fine but I'm a little impatient and after Monday, I'd only have access two weeks later, oh wells, guess I'll have to wait.
Then came the down, the irritable father was just being ridiculous and in amongst it all I decided to have a spoon of nutella, to which he remarked, 'Oh, you're eating calories?' which prompted me to put it away immediately. You know I'm not coping well with this, so why trigger me? I later decided not to eat for two days to make him see how his words affect me however mum came home from shopping and bight me individually-wrapped chocolate crepes to which I could not say no. She also got me avocado in a box (although I doubt the freshness of it,it looked pretty good, and chunky) and all these other snacks to boost my energy while I was studying.
Oh yeah, and father also did this thing where in the past week what ever I say/anything that is not blatantly boring and has something that isn't dandy enough for him, he responds by comparing me to someone bad and I've gotten to the point where next time he says it, I'm just going to slap him across the face because he fucking deserves it. Sorry for the swearing, it was just on the tip of my tongue and I had to get it out.
Some other shit happened but this whole 'ignore and move on' thing is working pretty well for the most part so I shall continue following it and not dwell. Also nearly, involved someone by blurting out what's wrong but held back so it was okay :) <-- first smile!
But the most important thing about this post is coming up. I apologise to my boyfriend, Konrad. I said something I shouldn't have, and I didn't mean it and I was just a little heap of emotion at the time and he took it the wrong way and copped it from me. And I'm so sorry for that and still feel bad about it and I practically stabbed him in the heart when he didn't deserve it, so I guess I was being the next level down from a deadbeat. And I love him very much for not only is he perfect, but after today I realize that he is the only one that truly cares about me despite trying to ignore the fact that my parents have no concern whatsoever.
And I really miss Konrad and his hugs right now and I'm trying my hardest not to cry myself to sleep because I don't want to wake up like a zombie and fuck up another day of study. The pressure is really getting to me and I'm about to just cut it out, but I'm not sure how yet.
Goodnight world, hopefully I'll wake up feeling good and neither of my parents speak a word to me tomorrow -something I doubt will happen.
au revoir. xo
Although I only played doubles and at a mediocre level, the team won by 4 games. Yays, grand final on the 23rd, noos there's a party the night before so I can't get drunk (like I even drink anyways...)
The middle of the day was occupied with extensive amounts of procrastination although study was just revision and wasn't supposed to be difficult. And just before that, there was a surprise visit between kon and I which entailed me fumbling with the seatbelt, then leaping out of the car to the innocent passerby that was he, to the dismay of my beeping father who held up a row of car. We exchanged a quick hug and funny little kiss and I was off to go home.
Oh yeah, I also went to the optometrist beforehand where I proceeded to meow (no one noticed, phew) after my eye was attacked by a spurt of air, 'testing the pressure' they call it.
During alleged study, I found myself consuming tea leaves. Yes people, you heard right. The stuff that's in the bag after you drink the tea. In my defense it was almond tea so this type was actually quite yummy ! (not like green tea) added bonus was that the leaves have next to nothing in calories but still fill you up ! I also ate like a bowl of watermelon. And take note that I was only trying to eat a minimal amount of calories because I had a monster of a breakfast !
As part of procrastination I also cut my nails, nearly chopping one of them in half (you're not supposed to do that,if you're wondering). And devised a sneaky little plan! You see, I was really getting into triple J and well, they have free downloads and seeing as it is extremely tedious to find and download single tracks yourself, I decided to get the ones of their site. One problem. I have 5GB of internet a month. Now, it is possible to scrape through the month without using it up if minimal audio/videos are downloaded (in conjunction with tumblr) however I found myself getting a few tracks and before I knew it, tumblr was loading too slowly in comparison to how it should in the first week, whoopsies ! So here's the part with the plan! I have songs I need to download, yes? The school has internet, yes? I can freely access that internet whilst in class, yes? YES ! the only thing is I need to spread it out over a few days so they don't pick up on it and yell at me and that's fine but I'm a little impatient and after Monday, I'd only have access two weeks later, oh wells, guess I'll have to wait.
Then came the down, the irritable father was just being ridiculous and in amongst it all I decided to have a spoon of nutella, to which he remarked, 'Oh, you're eating calories?' which prompted me to put it away immediately. You know I'm not coping well with this, so why trigger me? I later decided not to eat for two days to make him see how his words affect me however mum came home from shopping and bight me individually-wrapped chocolate crepes to which I could not say no. She also got me avocado in a box (although I doubt the freshness of it,it looked pretty good, and chunky) and all these other snacks to boost my energy while I was studying.
Oh yeah, and father also did this thing where in the past week what ever I say/anything that is not blatantly boring and has something that isn't dandy enough for him, he responds by comparing me to someone bad and I've gotten to the point where next time he says it, I'm just going to slap him across the face because he fucking deserves it. Sorry for the swearing, it was just on the tip of my tongue and I had to get it out.
Some other shit happened but this whole 'ignore and move on' thing is working pretty well for the most part so I shall continue following it and not dwell. Also nearly, involved someone by blurting out what's wrong but held back so it was okay :) <-- first smile!
But the most important thing about this post is coming up. I apologise to my boyfriend, Konrad. I said something I shouldn't have, and I didn't mean it and I was just a little heap of emotion at the time and he took it the wrong way and copped it from me. And I'm so sorry for that and still feel bad about it and I practically stabbed him in the heart when he didn't deserve it, so I guess I was being the next level down from a deadbeat. And I love him very much for not only is he perfect, but after today I realize that he is the only one that truly cares about me despite trying to ignore the fact that my parents have no concern whatsoever.
And I really miss Konrad and his hugs right now and I'm trying my hardest not to cry myself to sleep because I don't want to wake up like a zombie and fuck up another day of study. The pressure is really getting to me and I'm about to just cut it out, but I'm not sure how yet.
Goodnight world, hopefully I'll wake up feeling good and neither of my parents speak a word to me tomorrow -something I doubt will happen.
au revoir. xo
Saturday, 2 June 2012
I'm a strong little munchkin who cares not of others who try to stop me being happy. :)
So yeah, that little emo post before can be disregarded because not one fuck is given :)
and swearing is yucky, so I will try not to continue down that path.
Ps Hearing mum say "I love you" is actually the strangest thing.
So yeah, that little emo post before can be disregarded because not one fuck is given :)
and swearing is yucky, so I will try not to continue down that path.
Ps Hearing mum say "I love you" is actually the strangest thing.
After so many months it happened again, it was bound sooner or later.
The worst part? I can't tell you because you have your own shit to deal with.
But as I sit here shaking, bleeding, hurt, I think to myself, maybe it was better if.. I don't even know.
There goes my good day, so fuck you.
No one cares about my study, namely my parents. That hurts too.
Welcome back depression, long time no see.
No one cares about my study, namely my parents. That hurts too.
Welcome back depression, long time no see.
Friday, 1 June 2012
Having a conversation with a friend who I'm not overly and personally close to and we are just making all these cool as plans for summer and once we finish school and I feel bonding happening !
and we talked about some bad stuff a little (sex, drugs and rock n' roll, but mainly drugs) and then after that and our random little plans, they said 'let's be friends after school. You, me and *. Will have some wild times I reckon'
aghh, someone I have been trying to become friends with for so long but letting it just happen without any special effort, and they accept me ! :) :)
au revoir. xo
and we talked about some bad stuff a little (sex, drugs and rock n' roll, but mainly drugs) and then after that and our random little plans, they said 'let's be friends after school. You, me and *. Will have some wild times I reckon'
aghh, someone I have been trying to become friends with for so long but letting it just happen without any special effort, and they accept me ! :) :)
au revoir. xo
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