This is never going to end

I hate everything again, everyone too- myself included.
And I'm getting sick of being asked about it.

au revoir. xo

This again.

I'm sorry that I'm dramatic. But this secret is so hard to keep!
It is actually killing me, and I can't tell anyone.
It's killing our relationship. It's killing my future. It's killing my happiness. It's killing me. It's killing absolutely everything, me.

One went to bed, the other unresponsive, the third unapproachable, the fourth too troubled and the last too drunk.
And yet it's killing me and no one knows.

au revoir. xo

Anti-tech

It's not fair, no matter if I try or not, nothing ever works.
I don't do homework, it doesn't get done, obviously. I get pumped to do my geography project after practically asking for all the answers and my charger decides to die. Finally get a new charger and re format my whole project so it's more reader-friendly and set out all nicely like graces. What happens next? THE WHOLE LAPTOP DECIDES THAT IT WANTS TO STOP WORKING COMPLETELY. 

Arghh I hate this. I want to be a normal person who doesn't have to battle it out with their laptop on a weekly basis.

But guess what? I'm going op shopping with my boyfriend tomorrow and I'm so excited! Probably more excited than him now that I think of it, hmm...

au revoir. xo

hmpff bipolar hmpff

I took this test for some fun/ avoiding homework..
http://www.depressedtest.com/

Oh gosh :/
Does this mean you were right about me? ahhhh, what am I supposed to do now...? :(

On another note, as mentioned before my days are based on how good my mornings are, MY MORNING WAS HORRIBLE. I missed about 3 buses and ran and stressed an awful lot... all before going home and getting mum to write me a note *sigh*
But something amazing happened :)
I saw Kon at school,  and well... he looked really really reaaallllyy good today and I got those butterflies between period one and recess waiting to see him. He actually asked me what was wrong as my tooth was chipped again (no one but him noticed) and all though I said nothing, he still really cared :')
He held my hands and just made me feel like me, needed. He even checked my wrists.. and although I have never cut and I deleted my post before anyone read it... he still checked. But he did it in a really gentle and loving matter which made me think that I could never hurt him like that.
And then he was lying on me and I just though, 'oh gosh, I'm so glad I didn't miss out on doing this'.

So in conclusion, there is something that can fix my day, kon. :D

Having said all this, one of the worst things that could happen would be if I made him to scared to leave me, if I depended upon him so much it made his life hard, that would be...the worst thing.

But you know what? I'm working on being carefee, no... relaxed and chilled, and I've started drinking tea and starving eating really healthy this week! I have been vegetarian for the past four days! (not including the leftover meatballs I ate/ 1 chicken strip) Well, one has to start somewhere ! Kidding, I love chicken!

This was all a little pointless, sorry I haven't been posting much.. tumblr has been taking up most of my time.

au revoir. xo

-edit- I looked up bipolar information on the website and good news, only a few of them fit! (so I guess I'm clear for now, unless I become mental and invent the disorder in my mind) Cyclothymia on the other hand... but you know what? I'm not going to look it up ever again as I know that many of these things can be triggered my mental thoughts, I mean if the person thinks they have it, they will display symptoms regardless of if they actually have it or not, much like a placebo effect.

ahhhh, james blunt is making all my worries melt away :)

I AM NO LONGER LISTENING TO THIS QUIZ !

The only reason I get sad sometimes. Yes, sad.. not depressed, sad. Anyway, the only reason is my family. And during the past few months I have learned not to care and bounce back, so that is what I will continue doing.
It's funny, I have been smiley for the majority of today, it's great.. I feel great ! :)

This was a rather useless post to be honest, oh well ! :) :) :)

edit 9/9/2013 -oh how naive I was (and probably still am)

......

-post was too graphic and therefore removed for everyones good-

smiley butterfly project

Once again I was doing homework sitting on tumblr and came across something. I was aware of this before however as with most other things, it kept slipping my mind. Anyway, I would paste the link if I hadn't though it was a smart idea to close the tab, silly lizzie.
Moving on, it was a little butterfly drawn in permanent marker on ones wrist whenever they felt like cutting. It's purpose was to stay alive, obviously.
The point is that you're supposed to keep it on your wrist as long as possible and you are not allowed to wash it off. If you cut before it comes off, then you have killed the butterfly. If you have more than one butterfly on your wrist then cutting kills them all.
*I do not cut. Personally, I'd rather not have a reminder of the bad times on my wrist.

So what I was trying to say is that I am going to do the same thing but with one smiley face on my wrist drawn when I am sad etc. etc. And Every time after that when I'm not happy I shall just look at its cute little face and move on. :)

Feel free to draw one on my wrist.


Now I'm becoming all mopey because of this post... LALALALALA SMILEEE :) tehehhehe

au revoir. xo

Like the belgians do things

Moments ago a few hours ago, my lovely man gave me some Belgium chocolate icecream. OM NOM NOM !!!

And I have decided to grow my fringe out so that I can pin it back for formal, or so I say.

This is quite the pointless post. :)

au revoir. xo

Made progress today.

Guess you'll never know how.

au revoir. xo

soz bro.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I can't be the person I want to be in my mind. I hate it more than you.

avoiding work..

Ha. Who am I kidding? I will still continue looking at the pictures long through the night... It gets weirdly addictive. :/
I was planning on making a PRIVATE progress blog of all my 'getting healthy', however I found an excuse not to start yet.
For the next 3.5 weeks I will not have a bedroom and I find it weird exercising in the main room with everyone there so I shall start later, ON THE FLOORBOARDS IN MY ROOM ! :D any bets I won't like them......

Oh yeah, and I'm happy with my fringe now ! :)

au revoir. xo

Ps I'm going to grab a HUGEE bowl of icecream (someone has to finish it ;P ) and start this essay ! Hopefully....

boredom strikes !

Today I spent at least two hours looking at skinny girls on tumblr [while eating a packet of crisps]. I say skinny because I deliberately searched for these things. Having said that, there were two positives !
1. motivation to get healthy by exercising and eating well, not starving. Also, I learnt that it's actually quite easy to tell how a person lost weight as the unhealthy ones don't have that 'glow' and nor can all your bones become so prominent from a healthy lifestyle.
2. I had a little go/rant at one person who thought it was smart to binge, purge and starve to loose weight. Pfft, they clearly know quite little about the human anatomy and how it will gain every last kilo, plus more back on once they FINALLY give in and eat..if they don't die before that..

So yeah ! :) another night of zero essay written and a bajillion reblogs on tumblr.

Did I mention that I am starving at the moment? Oh, you're wondering why? Well, because it is taking father SO long to make dinner, which might I add consists of heating food up.

au revoir. xo

Eiwohfeio

Thankgod I wasn't home last night.

au revoir. xo

Hate this post.

Fucking smile Lizzie like nothing is wrong, and like everything is good. For fucks sake.

au revoir. xo

Confessions of a lunatic.

I wanted the world to know, so refer to the tumblr link. (:

http://theroadthatleadstonowhere.tumblr.com/post/10769914626/confessionsofalunatic

au revoir. xo

My little frankenstein.

I've decided to help a friend. No, not as in the let-me-hold-this-for-you kind of help, but a lifestyle change.
He was having a hard time with something in his life and smoking was the way out, sadly.
I had been trying to make him stop for a while now however I found that my words of 'extreme encouragement' fell on deaf ears.
So now, we have a deal. I'm going to help him quit. One drawback, he's not trying the gum and the rest of the 'mumbo jumbo'. To be honest, that's such a cute saying !
But here's the really sad part. He ran up to me at school today. Yes, that's right. Ran. So anyway, he had the biggest smile spread across his face while he said, "So Liz, are you really going to help me?" That made me feel really sad. It showed me how much he really wanted this, but didn't know how to help himself. It's odd to think that people who appear quite masculine on the exterior still need our help. I also can't believe that I was the one that finally told him I would help him to get better. There are in fact many people who are much closer to him that didn't even think of stopping him.
He's really excited now. And I don't joke when I say that he said, "Thank you so much ! If it works I'll actually do anything for you." Wow, looks like I have quite the job on my hands!
But its okay, because I shall not give up untill I have tried EVERYTHING to help him, to see a new person full of new opportunities in life and more years to live.

In a funny way he will be like my little frankenstein. (:

Looking forward to it! Now, if only he would agree to waking up earlier than half an hour before school starts so that I could actually talk to him about this.

au revoir. xo

Fringe frenzy !

arrrrrrrgggghhhhh
erutvioenrutireoytviremtyercmnhverticvrstgyu5ytuiytrsl !!
now that I have expressed most of my rage I shall begin with the actual post..
Firstly, right now I should be doing my mass amount of assignments due tomorrow. I had motivation earlier, I swear! You know how you have those times when you think you're finally going to conquer those tedious homework tasks for once as go to bed at an acceptable time? Well, I had one of those moments today. Except as per usual, it also happened to be one of those times when I was in the middle of school and couldn't actual fulfill my motivation!
So then I came home and of course, poof* motivation lost. So after this post I shall battle it out with myself to get some work done.

So anyway, I am a completely shallow person and my life runs on my view of my appearance in the morning. I think I've mentioned this before but heck! I'll mention it again! If i feel good about myself in the morning my day will be good, if not....well, you understand.
So I mentally planned out that tomorrow would be a good day, or as good as it could be with the situations at hand. I even decided to look beyond the face that my face was at a debatable presentability and that i had like two hours of tennis after school and no time with the boyfriend. Whilst on that note, I haven't spent time with him for a while now.. Last Thursday was the last time I was with him after school, but even then it was somewhat strained! And I'll have you know that I was planning to chill with him this Thursday- literally only day until the 4th of October. I know, shit girlfriend that I am... busy busy. Wait a sec? Then why isn't my homework done? heh.
So back to the situation. I had planned to wear a cute little bracelet given to me by my best friend and one of the few rings that still fit my weirdly shrunken fingers. Oh yeah, and I was also going to use this awesome-smelling <side note, just found that I have cake on my skirt> jelly soap shower gel thing that my other friend got me for my birthday that smells like candy and makes people want to eat you.. So that was great, and then I was also supposed to get a haircut today, which I did.
Now now, it was only supposed to be a TRIM to get it back to how it was a month ago. WHY OH WHY WAS IT NOT?! I'm not joking, I have no idea what the lady was thinking. Before getting a fringe I promised that I would at no point have a short choppy fringe that makes me look like some kind of masculine lesbian.
I look like a masculine lesbian. Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with that.. except that's not the look I was trying to achieve.
This is what it was supposed to look like:

Now, before you pass out from looking at this amazing person, it's no one special, just me. Or rather, it WAS me before my hairdresser decided to ruin my life for the next two months. Two months, you see that people? TWO MONTHS IS HOW LONG I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THIS NONSENSE! So that's, 8 weeks or about 40 school days until I look like a normal person again, LOOKIN' FORWARD TO IT ! -.-"
So anyway, I guess you want to know what it looks like seeing as I'm not going to wear it out until it grows to a decent length and I get it cut straight across, not this 'choppy' bullshit.
Oh yeah, forgot to mention something, she decided that I didn't want my mid-length bangs anymore even though I specifically told her that I did, thank and you.
So here's what it looks like now, I think... I'm actually not sure as I put it up in a braid the moment I got home!

See what I mean now?

So just then I ran off to the bathroom to give the fringe a second chance, I blow-dryed it flat and decided...that it's too short, great.

Well, see you guys in a month (in reference to this topic) when I'll hopefully *fingers crossed* like my hair!

au revoir. xo

new mindset.

So today we had a 'thinklean' program at school. It was valued at $399 and yet we get to use if for free for a year. The man assured us that it was a well-known success. Well then sir, why have I never heard of it? yes, that's what I thought..
Long story short, as with most of these things, it's a sham. I mean seriously, the online program we use could just as easily be replicated for FREE on paper or just simply on word or something of the likes.. There was even this section called "My Diary", pfft, like I'm going to write all my personal things down there..that's why I have a blog ! However through the droning words which just seemed to be screaming 'money, money, MONEY' at us, there was one semi-good line -"Never. Give. Up". Hence my new mindset to be happy and enjoy life for as long as I can and then if the time comes and I fall back into a slum..well I'll sulk for a bit and then bounce back up and get on with things ! :) unless something truly horrible happens...

On a brighter note, today was a good day. School was pretty much a bludge with the sessions taking up half the day and then some pointless English debate with free lollies ! XD
Later, and I'm not going to go through all of this as that would be a little weird for people to read and kind of boring too but as I was waiting for my bus, soaked, there were about 10 cars beeping at another. I was actually quite petty. Like come on man ! Just wait for it to turn, clearly it wont turn any faster if you beep. -.-

Oh yeah, I also went to my boiffs house (prime example of pre-teen language right there, it makes me cringe when I read things like that) but that's another story...

And then last but not least I came home and there was a cute little parcel waiting for me on the table (I love spontaneous gifts, no matter how small.. they are an instant mood-raiser!).

Such a pointless post but I just felt like sharing, one-time only offer. ha-ha ha-ha ha.

au revoir. xo


P.S. LOVING LIFE ! :)

lolstickle sticks !

As stated many times before I supposedly do not write for others...
So here's your mention pops William DJ.

Maybe one day I'll listen to my own rules ! :)

au revoir. xo

Optimism = freedom

Today two important people to me said that they're sick of all the depressing posts and thoughts and actions etc. I can't be bothered arguing with them so I'm taking the easy way out.

I'm going to try and be happy happy happy from this day forth. Yes, once in a while I'll be all anti-people but so what?

:) <-- marks the beginning.

au revoir. xo

P.S. I feel as if I have forgotten what this blog is really about so I shall return to my old style soon. :)

Smile once in a while

Today my boyfriend complimented me, just something simple and yet it made me feel so special. <3

au revoir. xo

Confusion collapses.

So recently I've been under the weather, quite the depressing fellow if you will.
I'm not going to go through what's happening because that's just silly and I do not feel like it.
However,
The past few days have been spent crying and crying and crying. Drama queen? I guess.
I tried telling myself that this was just a dream but it wasn't. Last night to fall asleep I imagined myself walking along the edge of a fence, much like a cat, only to slip and fall. Then, I thought about jumping off our fence but figured it was too short and would only injure...

Then today, whilst waiting for my bus I decided to stand in the middle of the road until it came. I did have to move a few times for there were cars and I figured that once again, they would only injure.

So, this is the part where flashing neon signs are signaling to you that I'm completely mental and need help so let me explain... I would never think of taking my own life, or hurting myself. That's a lie. Okay, so I would never do it. But somehow the thought of being able to, if I were to dream it so, gives me a choice. Inturn, some sort of twisted freedom.

so, as much as I try to convince myself in every post that there is no audience, that too is a lie.

au revoir. xo

Emo pod.

Feelin' like a Marionette, shame.

au revoir. xo

What's an emotion?

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.
Angry that you're trying to leave everyone?
Frustrated that I can't help you?
Distraught at the though of my life with out you?
Or just hurt that you're doing this to yourself?

How about broken?


au revoir. xo

I think I'm losing you...

Sorry for all the unhappy posts ! I promise there will be a cheerful one soon, I've already compiled quite the list in my mind and when my laptop is in working condition again I'll blog about it ! :)
But please remember, I blog for no one else, these are just collection of my thoughts. Having said that, I'm still thinking of people.

I can't even talk to you anymore. You've been there for me since I can remember, but now you've got it tough and I'm in the wrong.
There's so much I want to tell you about me, you have no idea. I'm no fool, I know what's going on with you and there's no way I'll add to your platter of troubles.
You say you can't trust me but then you go and do the same thing he did to you. Zero explanation. I hardly think this is fair, if not hypocritical of you.
We talk through the night. I want to give you those happy moments when you forget about everything and just act your fifteen year old self, if only over a phone.
You say it hurts, and yet you have no clue how I feel, how selfish of me !
I'm scared of losing you. The instabilities cause confusion and spontaneous actions and I doubt you'd listen to me if something were to happen.(I hate myself for even thinking that)
But my oh my do I wish that we could just run away from this stupid life, these stupid problems, these stupid people and just be how we were once upon a time !

You've filled that lonely gap I have, with no-one close to talk to, no siblings...nothing.

I miss you, I really do. Just please give me the chance to at least see you.

i love you my dear friend.

au revoir. xo

Too much is expected.

I am single-handedly expected to fix at least four peoples life problems- not to mention psychological..whilst building a life for myself, getting nothing less than a ten on ALL subjects and keeping my friends and amazing boyfriend.

I don't know, I may be out of line here, but isn't this just a little too much for one person?


au revoir. xo

Depression ahoy !

I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO GO BACK TO HOW THEY WERE A FEW DAYS AGO!
WHY THE FUCK CAN'T LIFE BE PERFECT FOR ONCE?

This is bullshit, I quit.

I'll find a way to escape, to find happiness. I know where it is, I just don't know how to get there.


au revoir. xo

the only one that asked...

Special mention to Jacob Pavlou. :)

au revoir. xo

life's great, isn't it..?

I have this never-ending loop.
I always feel like shit, 90% of the time.
Most of the time nothing is wrong, life's great! Okay, that's pushing it but it's alright..
So why do I feel like this? Am I just finding problems where there are none and creating hazards? You say I should tell anyone. Okay, now you must be the crazy one! What would I say? Maybe I should go to one of those anonymous groups... 'Hi, there's nothing wrong but I like to cause problems where there are none.' in step-by-step programs one of the first few steps is acceptance but now what?
It's not like I enjoy this, I don't. But I just want to know why I think the way I do!

I know what you're thinking, drama queen!
I complain so much its not even funny... Yeah, life can be shit.. But it happens to everyone. I've learnt that personally it's not fair to tell everyone else about my problems when they have plenty of their own. Problems. I seem to mention them an awful lot ! Why can't I just be a normal child? Sometimes, I feel like just yelling into my pillow.

I figure, hey! Maybe if I isolate myself for a bit and watch some movies or write a story or just listen to music I'll be all good later ! No. Then I'm left alone to my thoughts, madness. Half the things I think of scare me. They're irrational and horrible sometimes but yet I think of them. Who knows, maybe this is the blog of a loony? I wouldn't be so surprised, either should you. Arrgghh! Again with the attention seeking.

Okay I'm going to go a little off topic before I trap myself in this black hole that I am slowly forming.. Nowadays, besides rare little gatherings and what-not the only time I feel truly happy is when I'm with him. Whatever we are doing, it's great.. Even just simply gaming.. And losing..

Every time I look at him its like I'm seeing him for the first time, cheesy I know. But that's just the way he makes me feel, the way he's made me feel for seven cheerful months now. Yes, I do get moody at him, A LOT but somehow he doesn't mind it too much, or he does and it kind of washes over soon after because he's just that kind of forgiving person.. Anyway, the point I was trying to make here was that if I was to pin-point the happiest I currently am in my life is when I'm sleeping with him. No, not in any kind of sexual way...just sleeping. Two people together, just lying in his arms. He actually doesn't know how much this means to me but one day I think I'll just stay there. Yes yes I realize I can't actually do that because of my 'caring' parents. What. A. Joke.
It's the safest place I know, his arms. Nothing else matters in those moments, it's wonderful.

And then there's the times he calls me that one little word, nine letters long. Beautiful. Weak at the knees, my heart melts a little.
It's good to know that doing such little things can change a persons life, maybe one day he'll see just how much power his words have on me, even nothing in particular makes me happy. :)

I'm not sure how to finish this little post off so yeah.. As naïve as I sound, I love him. And if someone tells me I don't know what that is, good on them. That's their opinion and I really cannot see anything ever being so pure.

Maybe next time I'll expand upon all of this...

au revoir. xo

Old habits die hard

Back to starvation she goes.

Don't worry, it's for a short time...

Miscellaneous chatter

Imagine if it was actually that simple. If decisions could be made by an external factor. Imagine if you could write your choices down on paper and watch them burn in an open fire, choosing the remaining one.

By now you have probably guessed that I am not your average blogger. I do not talk about one topic, I spread my focus out into a large array. I only wish I could post all my real problems on here, not just the superficial ones, however I’m still scared. Scared about who might read them, about what they’ll think. Or worse, that they’ll care too much that I can’t simply shut them down like all the others.

Problems, what am I talking about? Everyone has them. Only today I found myself thinking that there could not possibly be one person without any monumental problems, whether it’s family, friends, guys, or a combination of those. This led me to the conclusion that all people go through a downfall in one stage of their lives or another. Even if it’s not a mental breakdown or a case of depression something is bound to happen sooner or later, it’s inevitable.

I acknowledge that this is quite the boring blog tonight, but many people have asked me to blog. Which leads me to my next point, I write for other people. Soon I’ll blog something juicy, except only a few selected individuals will be able to see this as I want to remain honest without judgement. However, that will probably be in a few posts.

Stay tuned for exciting stuff soon, better yet; create something for me to write about !

The world is full of amazing things. Today I found myself developing a whole poem which sounded moderately good, all while walking home in irritating precipitation!

It went something like this:

“Imagine if everyone was the same,

The same houses, the same gardens.

Even the tulips would be two-by-two

If only everyone was identical, like robots.

All programmed to do the same things

To have the same interests and qualities.

No love, no hate and no uniqueness…”

Okay, I’ll admit the original was ten times better but I’ve lost motivation for this ‘poem’ so to speak so it’s not very good. Honestly, I lose motivation for a lot of things very quickly! There was a story I once wrote.. My, it was only last week! It was quite good (modesty is not my strong point) however it finished abruptly; or rather it didn’t finish at all. Unlike previous cheery stories I’m not sure if the ending of this one will be quite so happy…

In the end I do not know why I wrote this tonight. It’s merely a collection of spontaneous thoughts. No connection, no link with one another. Just mindless words thrown onto a page. Even brainwashing would be better than this; at least that would have some kind of result. This just leaves the reader confused and angered at the five or so minutes of their lives they just wasted with this. I’m sorry.

au revoir. xo

Vintage memories

Beep beep 5 o'clock, time to get up from my lazy arse, of lying around all day, doing nothing, and blog!

Nothing special happened today, nothing at all.

A few days ago I was wafting the net when I came across a few interesting things...
Firstly, it all began with my search for fairy lights online, as mentioned earlier. Anyway, from there, I found myself trying to find a Lomo camera or some other means to photograph things with a vignette look like this:

See how beautiful the natural romance looks in comparison with digital perfection?

Sorry, these things tale a while as I always find something pointless to distract myself with...
ahh yes, lomo camera:

I hear you say it looks a little old and tacky? Pfft. This amazing piece of ye old technology can be quite the little deceptive charmer. One often wonders if it's possible to take those amazing photos without endless hours spent with a cup of coffee in hand and photoshop beneath your fingertips. Well, thanks to this hidden treasure, this is now possible. In fact, this was probably possible long before any use of photoshop. (Don't quote me on that) It's the fact that this camera still uses film that attracts me to it, not to mention the amazing effects that can result from purposefully using expired film. (easily purchased from ebay)
Now don't get me wrong, this is great and all, but I'm not writing to advertise, this isn't even the main focus of tonights blog sesh!

After a few twilight hours spend looking up the almighty Lomo camera, I noticed that it was quite easy to mimic these effects with the use of the average SLR camera, that's if you're not afraid of smearing vaseline all over it!
My, oh my, how I seem to blab on about irrelevant things...
Later that blissful night, came the research of 'the Polaroid camera'. Yes, I am talking about the typical camera of the 19- (honestly do not feel like being sidetracked yet again in order to look that little piece of information up). Long story short, the user receives instant photos with a shake of the film. Anyone for a photo?

What I'm trying to say with all this blabbing on about things you do not care about is in fact the humble little photobooth seen above. No, not that little Asian photobooth where nine people try to squish themselves into an unimaginable space and then fight over editing the costly photos with the time ticking away in the corner of the screen. I'm talking about the vintage photobooth which supplied customarily three or four photos in black and white. None of this editing taking place, just the camera taking a snapshot of people lives. Then, the thrill of waiting for the adequately-sized photos to be developed and carried home without smudging the still-wet ink.

After finding various photobooths around the world, namely America, I realized it’s not the booths themselves that intrigued me; it was the people inside them. I don’t mean to say that I like looking at other peoples photos, well not in a creepy kind of way. At that moment in time, in the claustrophobic space and with the stripy wall behind them, people were happy. As if forgetting all their troubles upon entering, photobooths provided them with an escape route from reality; a place where fully grown people could act silly, that’s right, plain old silly. There would be none of this typical judgement, and with the low price of around $4 for a strip; they left with a smile spread across their faces and a lifelong memory. It’s amazing to think that something so bland as a booth could do this to people. If you just take a look, or even a quick glance at photographs created from them, this was in fact a machine of unity, happiness.

Yes, I know I sound like a preacher right about now, and I swear that was not my intention but these things are just so interesting to think about, especially in the middle of the night when you have nothing more to do! You say sleep, I say pfft.

Furthermore, after this initial discovery about the photobooths I discovered something far greater, something which was similar to something I was once going to do. A clever little man had found a way of bringing joy to complete strangers! With imagination, he found a popular area with a bench in site which received a lot of daily pedestrian traffic and attached a camera. A disposable camera mind you, I doubt anyone would sacrifice their expensive SRL camera for such social experiments...maybe a friends?. Camera tied up with string, and a note beside it… he left it for a day. This avoided the always awkward conversation of “Excuse me sir, may I take your photograph?” especially when it was directed towards strangers. By the end of the day, the camera had not been mugged and there was a roll full of fun other people had! Check it out here!

That is all for today,

au revoir. xo

Fuck my life.

Happens to the best of us.




au revoir. xo

Defining appearances

Appearances. What are they? They separate us from everyone else, give us identification, create misery.
Being the shallow person that I am, if I am not moderately satisfied with how I look in the morning, that defines my day. No matter where I'm going, no matter who I'm seeing. As I said, shallow.
Thanks to my lovely skin pigmentation disasters and the skin condition I seemed to have re-developed even though I eat an insane amount of healthy food, my day is still dependant on how I feel about myself. There's probably nothing to the common eye that is different, or at least noticeable about me yet for some bizarre reason I still feel insecure.

Today's society is still incredibly harsh on the appearance of ladies, of people in general. Fashion industries are still mainly dominated by wafer-thin models and pompous designers how are too interested about fashion sales and public image to take a stand. From countless essays written on body image, it is clear in my knowledge that girls still felt pressure to be thin to be accepted by the judgemental people of our society.

Not only am I shallow, but a hypocrite as well. Here I sit, writing about unhealthy models when I too strive to be like them. Even though I am aware of the repercussions, and I'm not saying I want to be underweight because that's just absurd, but I still feel the pressure from others around me. Yes, you may argue that there are many who see all types of body shapes as beautiful, I too am one of those people. But when it comes to my own body and insecurities, I still look towards that symbolised  hourglass figure shown below on Elizabeth Taylor in her younger years.

Two hours later... back to it! Make that 4 hours.. whoops !

Hmm, where was I? Oh, that's right! appearances.

I have recently become so 'obsessive' you could say with looks, that I find checking the scales mandatory in my daily wake-up routine. This, in conjunction with the thorough mirror check, define how my day is going to go. A little over the accepted value? Bad day. Under the accepted value? Good day.

Other things such as these define how I'm going to live my life on that particular day.

If only life was simple again, gone are the days when I could wear whatever tomboyish clothes I wanted, do my hair in a messy little updo and have no judgement.

I really don't know how to finish this little post of so I'll just say bye. buh bye!

au revoir. xo

Welcome to, my room.

From the 23 hours or so that I've had this blog, I've realized that it is extremely addictive. So addictive that I found myself wanting to blog all day long but thought it best to leave it to night time as I would just be spamming.

Onto my amazing idea for my bedroom!

It all began when I started checking out peoples tumblr and discovered fairy lights..but not just any fairy lights, not like the rainbow christmas fairy lights.. Fairy lights that one hangs up in their room to create an earthy vibe. Before I go any further, I'd like to point out that..I got sidetracked by facebook and forgot.. great.

Anyway, in an attempt to regain some memory I shall continue as if nothing has happened.. la la la.

See that image above? Well, firstly it's from this website and secondly, even though this is not a proper room, I would love to live in something like this!

Something a little more, hmm..affordable if not actually do-able would be this:

So, now you can see kind of what kind of fairy lights I'm referring to. Also, if anybody has any idea where to buy them from, i would be extremely happy as they are actually quite difficult to find!

My room is pretty much the same setup as that except its a single beg, and the bed frame is a darker brown, redwood/burgundy colour I'd say. Then again, I'm no specialist on wood colours.

Moving onto the wall design. At this point I have noticed that this little post will probably turn out to be like my little planning space as this is the first time I've really thoroughly thought about it. Before I can begin ANY work, I have to get rid of the mass mould accumulated on my floor. But enough about that, you can refer to my previous post if you're intrigued.

I get sidetracked very easily, for example this is taking me because what started and a sole tab being open, I now have 7.

Back to it! Above my bed, there shall be a Japanese cherry blossom tree like this one. It's going to look like a backwards r though, I mean, its shape.

Now that I come to think of it, it may start at the top right-hand corner and extend downwards. Something to figure out later!

So, in the end my room is going to have fairy lights, a peach or light brown/cream wall, a blossom tree pained on the wall, candles everywhere, a good vibe and a positive work space for when I actually bother to use my desk for something other than storage!

Now, where to begin...

au revoir. xo

What could have been

Right now I was supposed to be sitting in my bed, in my re-arranged room. There was supposed to be a good vibe and a blossom tree stenciled onto the wall behind me. It would be warm, with the flickering candle the only source of light besides the glowing laptop. Instead, there was a harsh reality when i moved my bed this morning.
After intense motivation to finally clean up my room and remove various unnessities such as the microscope I had gotten for my birthday when I was about 10. Music pumping, the clean up was going well! I even vacuumed! Something I would normally risk doing for fear that I'd have to do the whole house afterwards. Anyway, back to the story. So, feeling light and boppy, much light the music my iPod was playing, I decided to move my bed into the centre of my room for a change. Big mistake, BIG! Not only did my room seem as minuscule as it actually was, but there was a patch of discoloured carpet. What. An. Understatement. It was black and damp and repulsive. It was mould. See,, this is one of those times where i regret having the room right next to the bathroom. Besides times when certain family members went for spontaneous showers at ridiculous times, it was relatively alright, until today.
My, this was supposed to be another rant however I am yet to get to the point!
Long story short, my room has been turned into a worksite and smells like the aromatic scent mold usually is. What was supposed to be a room with positive energy, now feels like a cheap hotel.

Instead of my original plan, I am now sitting on my fold out couch complaining to 'the world' about my shit day. Weeeew.

On a brighter note, my next post will be what my room was originally planned to look like and I shall disregard all of this and pretend like it never happened.

au revoir. xo

P.S Remember that avocado sandwich I mentioned? Well, my day was further spoilt when I decided to have one for breakfast this morning (around 4 in the afternoon..) and to my despair, we in fact have none as they were thrown out. fml.

For you Mr Kettle

Troy Kettle wants to hear me rant, about what I hate, about other people.

Well Troy, you want to know what I hate?
I hate all the typical things; unfair power, war, fighting etc. etc. but as I said, they're all the common things that one hates.

You say you wanted to hear personal stuff hey?
Well, honestly I hate people who are friends with you one moment, then go off at you the next, kind of destroying the already frayed friendship. That's all well and good, they're people too, they can make decisions for themselves, but then when they turn it all around and suddenly speak to you as if nothing has happened.. well that's plain ridiculous! I mean, you put all this effort into mending a broken friendship even though you're left in the dark about what you actually did in the first place, and then without warning it's all fine again! Like seriously?

So, there's that little rant.

Hmm.. what else, let me see.. just bitchiness in general. Hypocrite I know, it is quite an addictive sport to participate in, almost like tennis. But unlike tennis the world would be better without it. World peace anyone?

I think that's a little taste of my ranting abilities for you although i assure you, if you happen to catch me when I'm super down as once before not too long ago, or rather I start venting away at your face on chat, feel free to just walk away, and this is to everyone in general. The worst thing is if I drag you into my problems and you're stuck there, oblivious to what you've gotten yourself into with the meek little reply of 'heey'.

I go off on tangents easily don't I?

Anyway, I'm really craving that avocado sandwich right about now, well..my mind is. However, due to the consumption of a bubble cup earlier today, I doubt my stomach agrees with my mind at this point in time.

au revoir. xo

Just a little intro.

So, with things like these, like blogs, you often find that you simply must give a little introduction for the reader cannot otherwise understand what on earth you're talking about half the time!
dun-dun-dunn drumroll please!
This is my first, and probably only blog. The reason for this is that it just takes up far too much time! Here I thought facebook was a distraction, and BAM i go and make a blog. *good thinking lizzie
From the 100 or so words I've just written, I can already see myself talking differently, as if to an audience.


This blog will not focus on anything in particular and may become private at some stage, depending on the content I post. After all, I don't want to be scaring all the little children away with all my emoness.


So yeah, enjoy!


au revoir. xo