life's great, isn't it..?

I have this never-ending loop.
I always feel like shit, 90% of the time.
Most of the time nothing is wrong, life's great! Okay, that's pushing it but it's alright..
So why do I feel like this? Am I just finding problems where there are none and creating hazards? You say I should tell anyone. Okay, now you must be the crazy one! What would I say? Maybe I should go to one of those anonymous groups... 'Hi, there's nothing wrong but I like to cause problems where there are none.' in step-by-step programs one of the first few steps is acceptance but now what?
It's not like I enjoy this, I don't. But I just want to know why I think the way I do!

I know what you're thinking, drama queen!
I complain so much its not even funny... Yeah, life can be shit.. But it happens to everyone. I've learnt that personally it's not fair to tell everyone else about my problems when they have plenty of their own. Problems. I seem to mention them an awful lot ! Why can't I just be a normal child? Sometimes, I feel like just yelling into my pillow.

I figure, hey! Maybe if I isolate myself for a bit and watch some movies or write a story or just listen to music I'll be all good later ! No. Then I'm left alone to my thoughts, madness. Half the things I think of scare me. They're irrational and horrible sometimes but yet I think of them. Who knows, maybe this is the blog of a loony? I wouldn't be so surprised, either should you. Arrgghh! Again with the attention seeking.

Okay I'm going to go a little off topic before I trap myself in this black hole that I am slowly forming.. Nowadays, besides rare little gatherings and what-not the only time I feel truly happy is when I'm with him. Whatever we are doing, it's great.. Even just simply gaming.. And losing..

Every time I look at him its like I'm seeing him for the first time, cheesy I know. But that's just the way he makes me feel, the way he's made me feel for seven cheerful months now. Yes, I do get moody at him, A LOT but somehow he doesn't mind it too much, or he does and it kind of washes over soon after because he's just that kind of forgiving person.. Anyway, the point I was trying to make here was that if I was to pin-point the happiest I currently am in my life is when I'm sleeping with him. No, not in any kind of sexual way...just sleeping. Two people together, just lying in his arms. He actually doesn't know how much this means to me but one day I think I'll just stay there. Yes yes I realize I can't actually do that because of my 'caring' parents. What. A. Joke.
It's the safest place I know, his arms. Nothing else matters in those moments, it's wonderful.

And then there's the times he calls me that one little word, nine letters long. Beautiful. Weak at the knees, my heart melts a little.
It's good to know that doing such little things can change a persons life, maybe one day he'll see just how much power his words have on me, even nothing in particular makes me happy. :)

I'm not sure how to finish this little post off so yeah.. As naïve as I sound, I love him. And if someone tells me I don't know what that is, good on them. That's their opinion and I really cannot see anything ever being so pure.

Maybe next time I'll expand upon all of this...

au revoir. xo