Correspondance

One of the many quirky emails dad sends me on a daily basis, it's great :)

please note the subject title: where is the roll hidden?

:)

au revoir. xo

In the last few days my waist and hips have gotten a little smaller but my weight has gone up :/
Not sure how I feel about this so I am going on a run tomorrow seeing as my ribs are a little sore so I don't want to kill myself -as my maths teacher would say !

au revoir. xo

Besides the weight gain, I'm a little proud :) (I weight like a hippo now though but I shant be all ano and starve and give up just yet :) )

Holidays haven't begun and I am already 90% booked, oh gosh !
To-do list coming up soon !

au revoir. xo

Adore it when new shows come out three days before exams, absolutely amazing.
BUT OH MY GOSH TEEN WOLF IS COMING OUT SOON AND I WATCHED THE TRAILER AND IT LOOKS LEGIT SCARY, IN COMPARISON TO LAST SEASON AND THERE IS MORE DEPTH AND PASSION AND aghhh, this is also the time I remember Kon pinky promised to watch it all with me  :) :)

au revoir. xo

I feel like I could have put in more effort for this weeks tests. I know all the topics, it't just the fine details that I needed to perfect. I feel as if I did just that little more, I would achieve what I strove for. It's disappointing and I really want to dwell on it but I am moving on :)

Also, how is it I have no problem whipping up a 621 word essay  in like 20minutes but can't write an english-based one to save my life? Oh gosh, come on brain, you can write, so write in quality when I need you to !

On a side note, I love blogging, it's a great feeling of release and I even considered something english-based in uni today (not for that reason) :O Who knows, we shall see. Seems like kind of a waste of my other subjects but who knows what will happen.

au revoir. xo

My silly brother playing around on my webcam.

au revoir. xo

Just a few things

1. I really need to start to going to sleep earlier
2. Moments ago I looked at myself in the mirror to try and convince myself that I wasn't as big as I perceived to be
3. I took a photo of myself
4. And realized I was right, I am disgusted with my body now. There's nothing I like about it anymore, because nothing looks nice anymore
5. I feel like such a scene kid with my straight dark hair and black jumper
6. Konrad gave me his jumper today and it smells like him :)
7. It is also like 3 sizes smaller than my other hoodie
8. This is me as of now

9. I am going to badly on my tests tomorrow, and the day after
10. I need to study heaps for exams but will probably end up putting it off or something
11. I need to catch up on methods badly but that is the least of my worries
12. I am still massively sad about coldplay. :'(
13. I am going to try to eat healthy and exercise for as long as I can before I slip into unhealthy ways. (only if I don't find time to exercise, heh..)
14. I need to get all my shit together.
 and 15. I love Konrad very much and I even capitalized his name for once because he is truly amazing.

au revoir. xo

I came across seppuku which looks very thrilling... O.o

If I manage to finish revision within the next hour-90 minutes (whip up a few pages of notes and perhaps questions) then I am rewarding myself with half an hour of exercise !
Better get working !

au revoir. xo

Last night I was killing myself. Not physically, mentally.
I don't know, it hasn't happened for a while so it was okay, almost good.

Oh, and I ended up reading six billion secrets.

au revoir. xo

I don't know how I feel. And it's scary.
And it feels like nothing, I don't like it but I can't stop it.
And I've had this before and it was terrible.
And it's hard to stay mentally healthy when depression is constantly trying to pull you back in.
I don't even know whats going on anymore, how it's beginning again, what the real trigger is.
I'm just confused, and terribly lonely.
But I also don't like people, and only a few are the right ones.
But I don't know, sleeping through it all seems like such a waste.
But it's sad, and I'm a mess.
But I'm bottling it all up, and it's making my body feel strange -it gives me this weird feeling inside, it's deep, it's like hole.
And I just want everything to be perfect for just one day, and to not hold back tears, or cry at night. Just the one day. Stress-free, carefree, with kon. Thats my perfect day.

But there's nothing I can do about anything so I'm just going to fall asleep to death cab for cutie while I munch on some nutella that's breaking every diet rule I have at the moment.

au revoir. xo

I convinced myself I wasn't but the truth is, I am still so sad :(

au revoir. xo

limiting my food intake on the weekend, sorry :(

au revoir. xo

If you find out when coldplay is releasing their second melbourne concert, you are to inform me immediately !

"blah blah blah I wish I could have gotten better tickets"
well fuck you.

oooh fuck my life.

tomorrows relaxed schedule !

I am both stressed and super excited about tomorrow ! :) :)

Firstly, I have to get up early to actually get to school a little before it starts (quite a challenge actually)
Then I have to be all sneaky and go to the library and wag like half the first period to BUY COLDPLAY TICKETS !! :D :D :D (by pretending I'm at the library to print off a project)
Also, I am abandoning my plan to buy pineapple before school for a friend because mum refuses to drive 5m in the opposite direction -.-
anyways, then I have to go to the office and act like I just got to school so I am actually counted as being there and don't ghost classes all day. (also, so I can slip into my first class)
Followed by attending my second class where I have a test and hopefully go better than last time although I feel 90% confident (happened last time too :/ )
THEN, at recess I need to actually hand the project in.
phewwww.
And buy a school skirt at lunch.
Not finished yet...
Last class after lunch will hopefully be once again composed of revision of a few exercises so I don't have to catch up on a whole chapter again (although I feel like I will) AND get my final SAC mark ! (yays if it gets scaled up 10%)
and then figure out what I am doing after school and how many people I am seeing and remember to use the KFC vouchers I put in my bag in the morning (another thing to do).

So yeah, pretty hectic.
And I have five words on my hand to remind me of all that ^

Good luck lizzie !

au revoir. xo

I have been informed that I look like I have gained weight from two people within the past hour without a second thought.

must be true, must be stopped.

au revoir. xo

Thanks dad for putting up with me for the past four minutes while I sang.
I've heard myself so I know it's hard and I commend you.

au revoir. xo

I wish I had a family that consisted of more than three people.
You either have it, or you don't. I pretty much don't.

Ehh, this is just one of the things I prefer not to think about because nothing can change so there's really no point in dwelling.

In other news, my boyfriend omgomgomgomgomg so attractive. it's almost nauseating !
But my gosh, his face, his body. omg. and all mine. ahh :)
Oh yeah, he's a total sweetheart too and just generally perfect which is a little bonus :)

au revoir. xo

my life is a movie.

You know how music plays in those important scenes in movies and you're just left sitting and wishing that happened in reality?
Well I'm pretty sure it can.
Technically, it will work if you know a song/range of songs well enough (as in the tune and most, if not all the words)
If you know it so well, you can incorporate it into these real-life-scenes and kind of think of the song while the scene is playing out. As you can see I am having trouble explaining what I am talking about but point is, you should try it. It's pretty cool !

au revoir. xo

milky black

A few of my favourite things to look at when I'm down.

Off to sleep for a little while so hopefully I will feel re-energized when I awake !

au revoir. xo

lol when someone unknowingly writes something close to heart.

au revoir. xo

I has the sneezes O.o

All I want to do right now is see kon and sleep with him.
But, life is not like that so instead I'm filling my time with this as I cannot bear the thought of falling asleep and not thinking of him like I am now.

• 1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? Because the future is about to change and I don't know what will happen and how I will suppress my feelings.
• 2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? yess, my perfect boyfriend konrad. :)
• 3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? Only to make sure he's safe :)
• 4: Do you find it easy to trust others? Some people I make the mistake of trusting.
• 5: What were you doing at 11PM tonight? Helping out people at a party and caring for kon which surprisingly, was enjoyable (the helping people part)
• 6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? konrad :)
• 7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Be hurt and confused.
• 8: Are you close with your dad? I have distanced myself now which I don't like but we used to be super close.
• 9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? right, and I'm happy to kiss them every night for the rest of my life :)
• 10: What are you listening to? speed of sound- coldplay
• 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? orange juice with pulp, not even ice tea ! :O
• 12. Do you like hickeys? They clearly don't like me.
• 13: What time do you go to bed? Whenever I feel like it, such a rebel.
• 14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Not one person, but I move on.
• 15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? not at all, I practically drop my phone if I text with one hand.
• 16: Do you always answer your texts? Always, unless I don't have credit, which is the majority of the time.
• 17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? Current person? No, I love them with all my heart and even liver :P
• 18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Today, I love them too :)
• 19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? KONRAD MAKES ME HAPPY EVERY TIME HE POPS INTO MY MIND !
• 20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? woooh, shopping.
• 21: Is anyone else in the room with you? Typa.
• 22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? Haven't really thought about it but I guess.
• 23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? I wouldn't say so, I'm not happier now necessarily, just different.
• 24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? Anyone that has something against me.
• 25: In the past week, have you cried? Yes, just the other day actually.
• 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? I'm not wearing a shirt ;) grey.
• 27: Do people ever call you by your last name? sometimes
• 28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? Not that I am awar- oh yes, mary, on facebook. Don't know what her deal is.
• 29: Do you have a best friend? Let's just name them all... Gabi, Alex, Andrea, Grace, Mica, Steph, Beez, Julsie and some guy friends.
• 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? It wouldn't be hard, it would make my heart ache and my head hurt.
• 31: Who was your last call from? Dad and Will
• 32: Are you mad at anyone? Kind of, someone who acted like a dog towards my friends and I, supposedly I'm friends with this person too.
• 33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes ;)
• 34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 18, woop woop big boy !
• 35: How many more days until your birthday? Konrad, you have 91 days left to buy me a present. If you haven't started now, it's too late.
• 36: Do you have any summer plans yet? psshhtt, no.
• 37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? many, too many to name !
• 38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? yes, my walls and my parents.
• 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Kind of, can't think of a direct one but some things come to mind.
• 40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? not quite :P
• 41: Do you think age matters in relationships? Depends on the situation.
• 42: Are you available? available for...? O.o hahha no, I am not :)
• 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? heh. dats not answerable.
• 44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? belly button (when I'm skinny) nose and maybe cartlidge
• 45: Do you believe exes can be friends? some can, but for others it hurts too much.
• 46: Do you regret anything? Many many things.
• 47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Just thought about rice bubbles, and how much I wan to be with kon, in that order.
• 48: Did you ever lose a best friend? I feel as though I lost her just the other day but I'm not sure when she was really lost.
• 49: Was your last kiss a mistake? Honestly, what's with all these questions? I WAS NOT @
• 50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? Oh, I am ;) But seriously, because I can't leave my house right now :(
• 51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? eghhh, yes.
• 52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? omg. yes.
• 53: What was the last thing you ate? Hmm.. freddo frog!
• 54: Did you get any compliments today? Yep, konrad told me I looked beautiful multiple times :)
• 55: Where are you going on your next vacation? no idea
• 56: Do you own anything from other countries? souvenirs and fans and shizz
• 57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? Guys but as of recently, I have formed some stronger bonds with girl friends.
• 58: Where have you lived most of your life? australia, adelaide.
• 59: When was the last time you took a long drive? It was so long that I do not recall.
• 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? a few times.
• 61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? negative !
• 62: Who do you text the most? konrad, mendel, julsie, and my parents.
• 63: What was the last movie you saw? The woman in black. At which point I spent the whole movie in kons arms, freaking out.
• 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? they love me?
• 65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010? zehro.
• 66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? noo
• 67: Do you curse around your parents? oui oui, try not to though.
• 68: Are you happy with where you live? Sometimes.
• 69: Do you collect anything? some random types of stickers and some other shizz
• 70: What’s your favourite colour? bluee :)
• 71: Does the last song you listened to remind you of anyone? I remember that some good song was playing when kon and I made out last time.
• 72: Has anyone ever cheated on you? non
• 73: What are your plans for tomorrow? sleep, then party and MAYBE homework.
• 74: Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? no
• 75: Does your last ex have a job? oh my gosh, diusahdiued.
• 76: What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? iwuhfdiuewd
• 77: Where is your cellphone? On my bed-side table, next to me.
• 78: What colour is your cellphone? black, because it represents my emoness, obviously.
• 79: What did you dream of last night? Do not recall.
• 80: Are you atheist? noope
• 81: Will you change your name when you get married? Perhaps, not sure yet. If they want me to then why not?
• 82: Are you ready for autumn weather? noo, ew wind.
• 83: Have you had any big storms recently? I don't know? DO I LOOK LIKE A WEATHER MAN TO YOU?!
• 84: What kind of bottoms are you wearing? none ;) I'm in a dress WITH UNDIES OBVS !

This is strange, it stops at 84, oh wells.

au revoir. xo

TIME FOR ANOTHER ! (sorry, my answers are a bit bland)

• Have you ever:
• 1) Self harmed? depends, personally I think not but depends who you ask.
• 2) Got into a real fight? oh yeah, all the time ! Like the other day when my roll had no meat, shit go hektic.
• 3) Been too depressed to move out of your bed? oui oui but no longer :)
• 4) Tried to commit suicide? .... not particularly.
• 5) Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt? not everyone, no.
• 6) Watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting? yess, rosemary and thyme, gossip girl and dexter !
• 7) Talked yourself out of serious trouble? well this one time dad saw my iPad, who am I kidding? all the time !
• 8) Accused someone of using you? Yeah, I straight out told them.
• 9) Shoplifted? When I was like five to get some tiny little thing
• 10) Gotten drunk/high? niet
• 11) Been to a concert where your favourite artist was playing? YES !
• 12) Skipped doing homework to play a video game? who hasn't?
• (Right now) Are you:
• 13) Suicidal? definitely not !
• 14) Bored? not quite up to that extent yet. I MAKE MY OWN FUN !
• 15) Avoiding someone? yes, I call them X
• 16) Avoiding some task? only all my pending homework...
• 17) Depressed? nopeee :)
• 18) Crying? non non non
• 19) Annoyed with a friend? AM I EVER ! Brings new meaning to 'best friend' I think.
• 20) Worried and confused about something important to you? yes, but I'm suppressing it so it's okay.
• Do you:
• 21) Get depressed easily? nowadays, no ! :D
• 22) Get jealous/envious easily? only when I have to ward off hundreds of people from kon indirectly (you know who I'm talking about ;) )
• 23) Listening to music that can take your mind off things? coldplay, SO YES !
• 24) Worry about messing about your relationships a lot? this question has strange wording but I'm doing to say no?
• 25) Try hard in all your classes at school? I like to think so, my assessments disagree.
• 26) Go out drinking? yeah, in my head.
• 27) Smoke cigarettes? once, but that was in my head so no health risks here ! :P
• 28) Smoke weed? oh gosh, it's like it was just 20 minutes ago, or not at all !
• 29) Do any hard drugs? well today I had both panadol and neurofen and I've heard they're up on the scale !
• 30) If you said yes to 28 but no to 29, Why? herp a derp derp derp.
• 31) Believe in God/Belong to a religion of your own free will? I believe in God to some extent, it confuses me though so I just choose not to think about it.
• 32) Avoid people you care about because you feel you will only hurt them? Never !
• 33) Agree that self harm numbs emotional pain? yes, temporarily.
• 34) Believe people deserve second chances? Some people, other are just born asses.
• 35) Agree with ‘An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’? (ignoring the religious relation to that saying) I'm going to say yes because it sounds intelligent and I'm pretty sure I agree if I recall the last time I came across this saying.
• 36) Think things will get better? I know they will :)
• 37) Feel afraid that you have done wrong and will eventually be punished? Every day.
• 38) (be honest) Do you judge people who think differently to you? (seriously, be honest) Depends how, generally I judge people and keep it to myself unless messing around with a friend but peoples' though processes intrigue me !
• Preference in boyfriend/girlfriend:
• 39) Long hair OR short hair? mid-length, above the shoulders and not tie up-able !
• 40) (For Girls one) nice smile OR nice abs? smile first, then abs.
• 41) (For Guys one) nice smile OR nice chest? filling this in anyway, and saying smile because I struggle in the chest department.
• 42) Shy OR open? a little conserved but shares their opinions.
• 43) Eyes OR body? tough choice, touch choice, once again.. eyes first then the rest !
• 44) Religious OR non-religious? doesn't bother me unless they're into it heavily because I am not.
• 45) Caring OR non-restricting of you? More so caring but not to the extent that I feel as if they are being paternal. Already got two of them, thanks.
• 46) Straight edge OR non-straight edge? " a lifetime commitment never to drink, smoke, or do drugs. some people include abstainence from promiscuous sex. others abstain from caffeine. " Yeaaah, don't think kon fits into that category. so NON-STRAIGHT EDGE !
• 47) Piercings OR no piercings? no eyebrow piercings. Stretchers are fine and certain other piercings.
• 48) Tattoos OR no tattoos? Not if they're encompassed by them !
• 49) Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type? Party but not wild crazy.
• 50) Has friends you get along with OR has parents you get along with? Friends, then parents.
• Would you:
• 51) Drink alcohol until you were drunk? yes.
• 52) Smoke weed? perhaps.
• 53) Smoke cigarettes? likely not too but it could be a one off thing. I'm not silly enough to do it more than that.
• 54) Get even with someone who betrayed you? revenge, one of my hidden talents I wish to keep hidden. So probably not.
• 55) Forgive a boyfriend/girlfriend who deeply hurt you? not answering this :)
• 56) Attempt to kill yourself if everything fails you? it's a possibility but I'd like to think that things wouldn't get to this stage.
• 57) Keep your faith (any religious view) no matter what? hah, hasn't really been working out for me so far..
• 58) Join a band as a part time activity? yes, that would be so cool !
• 59) Feel sorry for someone who is being affected negatively from alcohol/drug abuse? of course, but to an extent. If they thoroughly knew the consequences and ignored them then less so.
• 60) Stand up for your beliefs if someone strongly goes against them? yes !
• 61) Go vegetarian for a month to see what is was like? sure, but excluding chicken <3 no, but seriously, I would try it, but only if the day before and after is just a chicken feast (I"m fully serious)
• 62) Fight someone who was harassing your friends/family? more likely to be verbal than physical but yes.
• 63) Edit photos of yourself before posting them online? sometimes, not like an 12 year old would do it though.
• 64) Put up with friends who constantly hated against something you believed in/supported? Not if it was getting in the way of our friendship.
• 65) Be friends with someone who was nice to you, but a cunt to other people? oh gosh, I do this all the time which is terrible but I try not to make it blatantly obvious to everyone.
• 66) Not like someone simply because your friend(s) didn’t like them? no, I make decisions on who to talk on my own merits. But I would take into consideration why a friends dislikes them.
• 67) Lie to someone close to you because you don’t want them put up with your problems? yes, but I'd rather help than be helped so it's okay :)
• 68) Starve yourself so you fit some certain clothes? lols, lost too much weight for formal, whoopsies ! I'd rather do it the healthy way but let's just say I have done that in the past.
• 69) Get surgery on any part of you? If yes then which part of you? only to remove scars.
• 70) Sleep naked? if something kinky was going down ;)
• You can only choose one:
• 71) Black or Orange? burn orange?
• 72) Metalcore OR Post-Hardcore? too late to be looking them up but I'll take a random guess and say post-hardcore.
• 73) Cellphone or Computer? computer.
• 74) Chocolate milk OR Coke? chocolate milk, I'm not a fan of fizzy drinks.
• 75) Tumblr OR Friends? hahahah hmm... NO, friends. But only if they're the honest caring amazing type.
• 76) Mac OR PC? Mac is cooler to use but I struggle with scrolling so PC
• 77) TV Shows OR Movies? movies
• 78) Old bands OR new Bands? both
• 79) Pop-Punk OR Alternative Rock? both
• 80) Reading OR Listening to music? music, haven't read a book because I want to for about 2 years now !
• 81) Coke OR Pepsi? Define your reason for your choice. Coke, pepsi makes me sick.
• 82) Staying who you are OR changing yourself drastically? depends in which way, but I don't think I'm too bad the way I am.
• 83) Breakdown OR Clean vocal bridge? who asks these? Just a cool tune :P
• 84) Jonny Craig OR Kellin Quinn? Define your reason for your choice. arghh these
• 85) Ronnie OR Craig? Define your reason for your choice. are pointless
• 86) Your life as a comedy OR Your life as a documentary? comedy would e strange so doco !
• 87) Go to outer space OR Go all around Europe? Europe, outer space can be scary !
• 88) Shoes OR Shirts? Generally I wear both but I'll say shoes.
• 89) Chelsea Grin OR Suicide Silence? hmm... not sure..... -.-"
• 90) Drop out of school to get a job OR stay at school and finish your education. Define your reason for your choice. Finish school, education is one of the more important skills you can have and generally defines your life !
• Almost over:
• 91) So far have you told 90 truths? And for fuck sake be honest. yes, obviously.
• 92) Are you quiet about your social life with your family? once again, to an extent. I don't like people saying bad things about them no matter what's going on.
• 93) Do you want to travel when you are older? it's happening !
• 94) Would you let go of people who mean the most to you to follow your dreams? They would be my dreams if my favourite people weren't with me.
• 95) Did you notice there are no sex related questions? I did notice, how refreshing.
• 96) Rather be the opposite gender? For the fashion but not particularly.
• 97) What will you name your son/daughter? Charles, so I can call him Charlie, Chuck or Chuckie.
• 98) Do you get harassed more than most people do? nopee :)
• 99) What band do you hate the most? Define your reason. not sure
• 100) What makes you a bad person in your mind? Some of the things I do and don't do.

That wasn't as cool as the others, oh well !

au revoir xo