I don't know how I feel. And it's scary.
And it feels like nothing, I don't like it but I can't stop it.
And I've had this before and it was terrible.
And it's hard to stay mentally healthy when depression is constantly trying to pull you back in.
I don't even know whats going on anymore, how it's beginning again, what the real trigger is.
I'm just confused, and terribly lonely.
But I also don't like people, and only a few are the right ones.
But I don't know, sleeping through it all seems like such a waste.
But it's sad, and I'm a mess.
But I'm bottling it all up, and it's making my body feel strange -it gives me this weird feeling inside, it's deep, it's like hole.
And I just want everything to be perfect for just one day, and to not hold back tears, or cry at night. Just the one day. Stress-free, carefree, with kon. Thats my perfect day.

But there's nothing I can do about anything so I'm just going to fall asleep to death cab for cutie while I munch on some nutella that's breaking every diet rule I have at the moment.

au revoir. xo