non-betrayers, entertainers, certains, and changers.

It's nearly 2am and I am going to be so tired tomorrow, I will also love the person who brings me a coffee before school ! :)
getting pumped for my SAC! Yaaaays, I'm not thinking about my possible freak outs mid-sac so that's a positive I guess.

In other news, I hate dislike people.

Rarely do you find someone you trust.
Someone who wont betray you,
or let you down.
Someone that will be there for you through it all.
The non-betrayers.

I'm just sick of finding all the wrong people and entertaining them with my presence.
While I sound vain, some people are just not interesting me recently. I'll still talk to them and act like everything is fine but there's some sort of underlying uneasiness.
They're the entertainers.

And then you have the changers.
The ones who despite all, changed.
Became who you thought they wouldn't,
who you hoped they wouldn't.

The ones that are slowly turning into one of the 'entertainers',
despite all your want for them to remain as they were.
Most importantly, the ones you depended upon to stay the same,
or not have any major behavioural changes.

And then the certains.
Behaving exactly as you would expect,
without flair.
Just mundane actions.

Sometimes I feel as if life were a circus.
Hectic without warrant at times,
complete catastrophe in unexpected circumstances,
and serene at the strangest of times.
Everyone has a role,
whether it be deception, control or just plain spectaclism (not in the real sense of the word).
Everything is pure chaos,
sometimes good but others bad.

I'm just suddenly sick of everyone and prefer to be alone.
Now, that's a lie.
I'm sick of certains, entertiners and changers,
of those,
however I am finding great interest and even companionship.


Oh gosh, so poetic. (Yes, it was purposefully set out like that)


Lastly, despite not feeling overly depressed, I have taken up wearing rubber bands, heh.
But as stated before, it is an intriguing pain that is hard to describe.
The moment you get out of the shower, your arm looks completely different,
no longer painful, but instead a crimson reminder of your own devilish acts from the night before.
As much as I know I shouldn't, this has become a little addiction and I am going to wear it to bed again.
I need to stop soon though. But not yet, it's still fun, it's still not overly harmful.

Also, I feel as if my language has improved slightly since this post. I don't know, maybe it's just a 2am thing..

goodnight world, au revoir. xo

PS. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY KON ! I LOVE YOU :)