Everything is totally jumbled up.
It's like they're trying to piece a puzzle together with pieces from four separate puzzles. Everyone knows it won''t work but they still try. And they jam and bend and fold the pieces until they fit together all wonky and with gaps, and still far from perfect-or even how it was before.
And then you have those who act as if nothing has changed and they're calling for a casual catch up.
Nothing is fair anymore.
Yesterday I had absolutely no idea what I wanted, with anything and everything, with my family, with school, with friends, with all of it. Today I am certain of one thing. All I want right now is to hug kon and pretend that the whole world is okay and that it's fine for us to run away and be hippies and relax and just be in love without all this side-line nonsense. That's all I want right now.
I want to pretend that when I go to school tomorrow, everything will be the same and I will actually have food and I'll go okay in my assessments and then I'll come home and everything will be okay too. But it's not, none of it is.
I want to just disappear for a while, not sleep, just vanish. And then come back when everything is how it was.
The worst part? I don't know what this feeling is. I don't feel depressed or suicidal or emo or whatever, I just feel as if I don't like this sudden change and that it's wrong. How am I supposed to fix myself if I don't know what's going on?
au revoir. xo
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