Sunday, 26 February 2012
NEED TO GET BACK TO BEING HAPPY !
I will not feel like this in the morning so it's okay. :)
When something bad happens it just seems to build up and up and up until it's utter chaos at which point it explodes and then cools down in like a week (hopefully). Then, the next time things are on a worse scale if that makes sense. So, right now how far is the situation from explosion? Has it already exploded? What is going to happen that is worse?
Which leads me to think, what happens when everything just gets sooo much worse? even though I don't want to think about how that will be. Normally, I just bounce back and come back stronger but what happens when it absolutely knocks me down? What am I supposed to do then? Right now, I have just lost feeling so what's next? It's inevitable and I'm really scared for that time.
I'm reaallllyyyy sorry konrad. :(
au revoir. xo
P.S It's like when I'm actually happy some of the time, the knock downs are so much harder than they used to be.
When something bad happens it just seems to build up and up and up until it's utter chaos at which point it explodes and then cools down in like a week (hopefully). Then, the next time things are on a worse scale if that makes sense. So, right now how far is the situation from explosion? Has it already exploded? What is going to happen that is worse?
Which leads me to think, what happens when everything just gets sooo much worse? even though I don't want to think about how that will be. Normally, I just bounce back and come back stronger but what happens when it absolutely knocks me down? What am I supposed to do then? Right now, I have just lost feeling so what's next? It's inevitable and I'm really scared for that time.
I'm reaallllyyyy sorry konrad. :(
au revoir. xo
P.S It's like when I'm actually happy some of the time, the knock downs are so much harder than they used to be.
bye world
Everything is totally jumbled up.
It's like they're trying to piece a puzzle together with pieces from four separate puzzles. Everyone knows it won''t work but they still try. And they jam and bend and fold the pieces until they fit together all wonky and with gaps, and still far from perfect-or even how it was before.
And then you have those who act as if nothing has changed and they're calling for a casual catch up.
Nothing is fair anymore.
Yesterday I had absolutely no idea what I wanted, with anything and everything, with my family, with school, with friends, with all of it. Today I am certain of one thing. All I want right now is to hug kon and pretend that the whole world is okay and that it's fine for us to run away and be hippies and relax and just be in love without all this side-line nonsense. That's all I want right now.
I want to pretend that when I go to school tomorrow, everything will be the same and I will actually have food and I'll go okay in my assessments and then I'll come home and everything will be okay too. But it's not, none of it is.
I want to just disappear for a while, not sleep, just vanish. And then come back when everything is how it was.
The worst part? I don't know what this feeling is. I don't feel depressed or suicidal or emo or whatever, I just feel as if I don't like this sudden change and that it's wrong. How am I supposed to fix myself if I don't know what's going on?
au revoir. xo
It's like they're trying to piece a puzzle together with pieces from four separate puzzles. Everyone knows it won''t work but they still try. And they jam and bend and fold the pieces until they fit together all wonky and with gaps, and still far from perfect-or even how it was before.
And then you have those who act as if nothing has changed and they're calling for a casual catch up.
Nothing is fair anymore.
Yesterday I had absolutely no idea what I wanted, with anything and everything, with my family, with school, with friends, with all of it. Today I am certain of one thing. All I want right now is to hug kon and pretend that the whole world is okay and that it's fine for us to run away and be hippies and relax and just be in love without all this side-line nonsense. That's all I want right now.
I want to pretend that when I go to school tomorrow, everything will be the same and I will actually have food and I'll go okay in my assessments and then I'll come home and everything will be okay too. But it's not, none of it is.
I want to just disappear for a while, not sleep, just vanish. And then come back when everything is how it was.
The worst part? I don't know what this feeling is. I don't feel depressed or suicidal or emo or whatever, I just feel as if I don't like this sudden change and that it's wrong. How am I supposed to fix myself if I don't know what's going on?
au revoir. xo
Saturday, 25 February 2012
oh em gee, totes fml
I can't even have any comfort food because we actually don't have any food.
The fridge is empty unless I want eggs or cheese.
I can't even drink something yummy.
au revoir. xo
The fridge is empty unless I want eggs or cheese.
I can't even drink something yummy.
au revoir. xo
thoughts aloud
okay okaay so I promise I'm not being all emo and whatever and this is more of a mental note ! :)
I need to remain detached in order to not get hurt. That's kind of sad but I really don't see any other way at the moment that keeps me happy at some point.
also, just another thought in my mind, I loveeee youuuu konn <3
au revoir. xo
I need to remain detached in order to not get hurt. That's kind of sad but I really don't see any other way at the moment that keeps me happy at some point.
also, just another thought in my mind, I loveeee youuuu konn <3
au revoir. xo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)