Once I finish exams I am going to try and not depress myself by keeping busy!

• I am going to clean my room and take out all year 12 related things such as past papers, textbooks and loose sheets to free up cupboard space.
• I am going to listen to cheery music and be happy
• I am going to see friends and not feel guilty
• I am going to live in the city during sunny days and be free
• I am going to re-arrange my furniture and make my room more 'homey'
• I am going to get a job and have a steady income so I can be more independent
• and lastly, I am going to try my hardest not to think, not to stress and not to feel bad

This sounds pretty good to me!

:)

au revoir. xo

This past week has been crazy!
Wednesday was dress up day and then after that was the IMAGINE DRAGONS CONCERT! Undoubtedly, one of the best concerts I have been to, mainly due to the people I went with.

Reconnected with a few people, especially one (although we only disconnected in my head) and it was such an amazing night, dancing away with one of my best friends to beautiful music and just not stressing or caring about anything important, having pure fun. Will definitely miss/yearn for another night like that!

And then today was uniform signing and everyone was so happy and I felt so good and not sad at all about finally finishing year 12 (and boy what a long study year it has been!) and yet it was such a short year, socially. Immense amounts of drama, a fuckload of emotion and so much love for so many people.

After looking through all the photos on facebook and about to read my dress, I am indeed sad. Sad because there is nothing I can do to go back. I feel as if these past 6 years have whizzed past! I mean, it was just yesterday that I was starting year seven, doing survivor, befriending people in Ms Orloff's year 9 english class, dating konrad, befriending Julsie and Costa and finally, dating Robert.

It has been such an amazing journey and I think it has finally hit me that it is all over! Just like that.

I will definitely continue to catch up with some people, especially as we might be going to different Uni's, but I am not so excited to start the next chapter of my life. I want to dwell in all these friendships I have created over the silliest things!

I want to be young and naive, I think I will miss that the most!

I certainly do not have any motivation to study for exams (and trying not to get re-pooped about schoolies), I just want to be with people!!!!


Ahh I feel so emotionally messy right now, :)))))))


fuck I love people, but it's always too late when I realize.

au revoir. xo

First time these holidays when no one else is home. I feel so much more relaxed, I think the lack of personal space was the stressor. Phewwww :)

au revoir. xo

Reading assessors reports constitutes for writing two essays right? what, no? it doesn't???

au revoir. xo

You know what frustrates me? Having to download endless third-party apps to cope with the lack of necessary features pre-installed on android.

au revoir. xo

Recently, I've been feeling more hyperactive without cause. I'll jump from eustress to distress quite quickly without any inbetween. Just last night I washed my hair and then exercised until 12:30am and was still hyperactive but able to sleep, this morning I woke up at 6:30 but forced myself to get more sleep until at least 7:20am.
Right now my body is still buzzing but I have a slight headache.
I felt so fucking good last night, and managed to voluntarily hallucinate without drugs to a controllable level which I've never managed to do before.
What is wrong with me? I feel like all this mind/body activity can't possibly be good and I'm semi nervous about the crash.

au revoir. xo

Looking forward to finishing school this year because the amount of work I am expected to do is piling up and I am very behind and this causes stress in two of my classes which is unpleasant. Having said this, I very much enjoy school and am not looking forward to the sudden change next year however there is one hurdle I will have to overcome that is left once school finishes and literally the only thing that will make it better is time which makes me powerless and out of control which is not fab but I guess life goes on which I am a bit sick of saying because this backseat in life is starting to get old.
All of these sentences are very long and I also hope I get positive feedback on my essay tomorrow because I really tried and will be disappointed if I have to write a new one so close to assessment day because I know that was the best I could do.
Trying to remain calm about life and just push on when necessary and be happy with people when I'm not studying because no one likes a stress ball and I don't even want to be one.
And I really want to relax but will not sacrifice crucial time (yay go me for upholding #1 tip for VCE) and I hope I become a different person after school and am more carefree and don't think about everything because that is not cool.

Hope you enjoyed this constant stream of consciousness.

au revoir. xo