Took some valerian that mum bought (it's in one of those multivitamin looking bottles that you can buy from the supermarket).
Also started taking some other tablet that increases memory, attention span and something else (clearly it's not working yet) but it's all legal so hopefully I'll be a smart little cookie during exams ! :)
I'm not freaking out yet, which is always a good sign!
Anyways, today I got heaaaps of general done... As in 20 pages of the booklet/7 FULL pages of working out, go meee ! And then just a third of a page of my physics summary page but when you see it, it will blow your mind because no joke, the writing is tiny! Technically speaking, it's three lines for every line and I even had to find thinner pens so I could write that small ! And I was supposed to do some English too seeing as I'm seeing my teacher tomorrow about it but I had no time so too bad :p
But I'm feeling confident so that's good :)
And I've set out revision for the next twoish weeks so hopefully I'll stick to that as much as I can, and I've taken the risky decision not to study for psych and chem before next weekend and focus on these exams seeing as I'm not struggling with them too much and it's time I can not afford to waste.
But anyways, I should be knocked out any moment now so I better go before I fall asleep with my iPad !
au revoir. xo
Monday, 4 June 2012
Sunday, 3 June 2012
The ups and downs of Saturday the second of June.
The day began with an early as game of tennis with irritable father driving me.
Although I only played doubles and at a mediocre level, the team won by 4 games. Yays, grand final on the 23rd, noos there's a party the night before so I can't get drunk (like I even drink anyways...)
The middle of the day was occupied with extensive amounts of procrastination although study was just revision and wasn't supposed to be difficult. And just before that, there was a surprise visit between kon and I which entailed me fumbling with the seatbelt, then leaping out of the car to the innocent passerby that was he, to the dismay of my beeping father who held up a row of car. We exchanged a quick hug and funny little kiss and I was off to go home.
Oh yeah, I also went to the optometrist beforehand where I proceeded to meow (no one noticed, phew) after my eye was attacked by a spurt of air, 'testing the pressure' they call it.
During alleged study, I found myself consuming tea leaves. Yes people, you heard right. The stuff that's in the bag after you drink the tea. In my defense it was almond tea so this type was actually quite yummy ! (not like green tea) added bonus was that the leaves have next to nothing in calories but still fill you up ! I also ate like a bowl of watermelon. And take note that I was only trying to eat a minimal amount of calories because I had a monster of a breakfast !
As part of procrastination I also cut my nails, nearly chopping one of them in half (you're not supposed to do that,if you're wondering). And devised a sneaky little plan! You see, I was really getting into triple J and well, they have free downloads and seeing as it is extremely tedious to find and download single tracks yourself, I decided to get the ones of their site. One problem. I have 5GB of internet a month. Now, it is possible to scrape through the month without using it up if minimal audio/videos are downloaded (in conjunction with tumblr) however I found myself getting a few tracks and before I knew it, tumblr was loading too slowly in comparison to how it should in the first week, whoopsies ! So here's the part with the plan! I have songs I need to download, yes? The school has internet, yes? I can freely access that internet whilst in class, yes? YES ! the only thing is I need to spread it out over a few days so they don't pick up on it and yell at me and that's fine but I'm a little impatient and after Monday, I'd only have access two weeks later, oh wells, guess I'll have to wait.
Then came the down, the irritable father was just being ridiculous and in amongst it all I decided to have a spoon of nutella, to which he remarked, 'Oh, you're eating calories?' which prompted me to put it away immediately. You know I'm not coping well with this, so why trigger me? I later decided not to eat for two days to make him see how his words affect me however mum came home from shopping and bight me individually-wrapped chocolate crepes to which I could not say no. She also got me avocado in a box (although I doubt the freshness of it,it looked pretty good, and chunky) and all these other snacks to boost my energy while I was studying.
Oh yeah, and father also did this thing where in the past week what ever I say/anything that is not blatantly boring and has something that isn't dandy enough for him, he responds by comparing me to someone bad and I've gotten to the point where next time he says it, I'm just going to slap him across the face because he fucking deserves it. Sorry for the swearing, it was just on the tip of my tongue and I had to get it out.
Some other shit happened but this whole 'ignore and move on' thing is working pretty well for the most part so I shall continue following it and not dwell. Also nearly, involved someone by blurting out what's wrong but held back so it was okay :) <-- first smile!
But the most important thing about this post is coming up. I apologise to my boyfriend, Konrad. I said something I shouldn't have, and I didn't mean it and I was just a little heap of emotion at the time and he took it the wrong way and copped it from me. And I'm so sorry for that and still feel bad about it and I practically stabbed him in the heart when he didn't deserve it, so I guess I was being the next level down from a deadbeat. And I love him very much for not only is he perfect, but after today I realize that he is the only one that truly cares about me despite trying to ignore the fact that my parents have no concern whatsoever.
And I really miss Konrad and his hugs right now and I'm trying my hardest not to cry myself to sleep because I don't want to wake up like a zombie and fuck up another day of study. The pressure is really getting to me and I'm about to just cut it out, but I'm not sure how yet.
Goodnight world, hopefully I'll wake up feeling good and neither of my parents speak a word to me tomorrow -something I doubt will happen.
au revoir. xo
Although I only played doubles and at a mediocre level, the team won by 4 games. Yays, grand final on the 23rd, noos there's a party the night before so I can't get drunk (like I even drink anyways...)
The middle of the day was occupied with extensive amounts of procrastination although study was just revision and wasn't supposed to be difficult. And just before that, there was a surprise visit between kon and I which entailed me fumbling with the seatbelt, then leaping out of the car to the innocent passerby that was he, to the dismay of my beeping father who held up a row of car. We exchanged a quick hug and funny little kiss and I was off to go home.
Oh yeah, I also went to the optometrist beforehand where I proceeded to meow (no one noticed, phew) after my eye was attacked by a spurt of air, 'testing the pressure' they call it.
During alleged study, I found myself consuming tea leaves. Yes people, you heard right. The stuff that's in the bag after you drink the tea. In my defense it was almond tea so this type was actually quite yummy ! (not like green tea) added bonus was that the leaves have next to nothing in calories but still fill you up ! I also ate like a bowl of watermelon. And take note that I was only trying to eat a minimal amount of calories because I had a monster of a breakfast !
As part of procrastination I also cut my nails, nearly chopping one of them in half (you're not supposed to do that,if you're wondering). And devised a sneaky little plan! You see, I was really getting into triple J and well, they have free downloads and seeing as it is extremely tedious to find and download single tracks yourself, I decided to get the ones of their site. One problem. I have 5GB of internet a month. Now, it is possible to scrape through the month without using it up if minimal audio/videos are downloaded (in conjunction with tumblr) however I found myself getting a few tracks and before I knew it, tumblr was loading too slowly in comparison to how it should in the first week, whoopsies ! So here's the part with the plan! I have songs I need to download, yes? The school has internet, yes? I can freely access that internet whilst in class, yes? YES ! the only thing is I need to spread it out over a few days so they don't pick up on it and yell at me and that's fine but I'm a little impatient and after Monday, I'd only have access two weeks later, oh wells, guess I'll have to wait.
Then came the down, the irritable father was just being ridiculous and in amongst it all I decided to have a spoon of nutella, to which he remarked, 'Oh, you're eating calories?' which prompted me to put it away immediately. You know I'm not coping well with this, so why trigger me? I later decided not to eat for two days to make him see how his words affect me however mum came home from shopping and bight me individually-wrapped chocolate crepes to which I could not say no. She also got me avocado in a box (although I doubt the freshness of it,it looked pretty good, and chunky) and all these other snacks to boost my energy while I was studying.
Oh yeah, and father also did this thing where in the past week what ever I say/anything that is not blatantly boring and has something that isn't dandy enough for him, he responds by comparing me to someone bad and I've gotten to the point where next time he says it, I'm just going to slap him across the face because he fucking deserves it. Sorry for the swearing, it was just on the tip of my tongue and I had to get it out.
Some other shit happened but this whole 'ignore and move on' thing is working pretty well for the most part so I shall continue following it and not dwell. Also nearly, involved someone by blurting out what's wrong but held back so it was okay :) <-- first smile!
But the most important thing about this post is coming up. I apologise to my boyfriend, Konrad. I said something I shouldn't have, and I didn't mean it and I was just a little heap of emotion at the time and he took it the wrong way and copped it from me. And I'm so sorry for that and still feel bad about it and I practically stabbed him in the heart when he didn't deserve it, so I guess I was being the next level down from a deadbeat. And I love him very much for not only is he perfect, but after today I realize that he is the only one that truly cares about me despite trying to ignore the fact that my parents have no concern whatsoever.
And I really miss Konrad and his hugs right now and I'm trying my hardest not to cry myself to sleep because I don't want to wake up like a zombie and fuck up another day of study. The pressure is really getting to me and I'm about to just cut it out, but I'm not sure how yet.
Goodnight world, hopefully I'll wake up feeling good and neither of my parents speak a word to me tomorrow -something I doubt will happen.
au revoir. xo
Saturday, 2 June 2012
I'm a strong little munchkin who cares not of others who try to stop me being happy. :)
So yeah, that little emo post before can be disregarded because not one fuck is given :)
and swearing is yucky, so I will try not to continue down that path.
Ps Hearing mum say "I love you" is actually the strangest thing.
So yeah, that little emo post before can be disregarded because not one fuck is given :)
and swearing is yucky, so I will try not to continue down that path.
Ps Hearing mum say "I love you" is actually the strangest thing.
After so many months it happened again, it was bound sooner or later.
The worst part? I can't tell you because you have your own shit to deal with.
But as I sit here shaking, bleeding, hurt, I think to myself, maybe it was better if.. I don't even know.
There goes my good day, so fuck you.
No one cares about my study, namely my parents. That hurts too.
Welcome back depression, long time no see.
No one cares about my study, namely my parents. That hurts too.
Welcome back depression, long time no see.
Friday, 1 June 2012
Having a conversation with a friend who I'm not overly and personally close to and we are just making all these cool as plans for summer and once we finish school and I feel bonding happening !
and we talked about some bad stuff a little (sex, drugs and rock n' roll, but mainly drugs) and then after that and our random little plans, they said 'let's be friends after school. You, me and *. Will have some wild times I reckon'
aghh, someone I have been trying to become friends with for so long but letting it just happen without any special effort, and they accept me ! :) :)
au revoir. xo
and we talked about some bad stuff a little (sex, drugs and rock n' roll, but mainly drugs) and then after that and our random little plans, they said 'let's be friends after school. You, me and *. Will have some wild times I reckon'
aghh, someone I have been trying to become friends with for so long but letting it just happen without any special effort, and they accept me ! :) :)
au revoir. xo
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