Saturday Night Fever

This is the extent as to which I can open my eyes.

Look at those yummy bags !

That's what I look like if I want to read something ^

have fun looking at theeese !

au revoir. xo

It is 6:16pm and I have left my bed twice today, to eat and drink.
In my defense, I'm have a fever but still

au revoir. xo

Fevers are always fun when all you want to do is drink milk, eat cereal and make scrambled eggs. Shame, and toast doesn't sound very appealing at the moment either.
Oooh and add on a dumb monthly thing that does not come every month, rather when it is extremely inconvenient for me. -.-
And I reaaaally don't think I'll get this English essay done unless I can do it in 20 secons which is all I can focus for.
Fun lyf, say whaaat?

au revoir. xo

I'm in this constant struggle between feeling good and bad, freedom and restriction.
It's a cycle and I just want to smash it in half.

au revoir. xo

life's hard when there is a constant stream of yelling in the background.

I'm so fuckingggg over it !

On a sidenote: Can;t tell dad anything personal anymore as clearly he can't be trusted and will only send bland texts to mum as she analyses them and turns into a spastic. No joke, I wrote 'honestly woman...' in my text, what are you even talking about?

second sidenote: my mothers opinion does not concern me anymore.
she's fucking insane.

au revoir. xo

a small collection of immediate desires

what I want right in the upcoming week
- healthy food
- sleep
- konrad
- warmth
- hot beverages where I do not burn my tongue off (It's already in maintenance at the moment)
- a red/purple velvet dress
- coloured jeans
- emu shirt from T-Bar
- black milk leggings
- winter dress
- some concoction of soup
- chickeeeenn *omnomnom*
- black heels
- milk bath powder stuff from the body shop
- my parents to tell me they love me- I don't remember the last time they said it
- "TOM" to come so I stop freaking out when I remember
- simple interactions with people where they don't mind fuck me for once
- to actually call my best friend
- to SOMEHOW get all my homework done (to quality)
- to have a night of freedom where I can take a bath, relax and listen to music (I'm thinking tomorrow if it doesn't slip my mind)
- sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep !

that's all...


au revoir. xo

confusion beyond measure

you need to get out of my head.
you need to stop messing with my mind, telling me how I am and what I should do.
you need to stop swaying me in order to conform to your biased opinion.
you need to let me go.
let me be how I was before you decided to put yourself before me instead of being equal in this friendship.

Why? Because you are making me more confused than ever and you're hurting me with the thoughts of me hurting someone else with my potential behavior.
you are making me think emo thoughts, deeper than I thought before, making me actually realistically visualize them and shizz.

this isn't really any of your fault but it sure is making everything difficult for me !

aghh, I'm just so confused and lost about what I should be doing, and thinking and it makes my head hurts and makes me just want to sleep for days on end and it brings me great torment and nightmares and guilt, I guess.

au revoir. xo

seriously, to all you people who have this blog: it is beyond me as to why I gave it to you but I guess it stops me from writing what I truly want to and keeps me alive and my emo thoughts at bay in a way but it's vague for a reason. It's not meant to be a game, you're not supposed to try and guess who the posts are about, or from whose perspective or even what is going on. Because, I assure you, you have no idea and asking me only makes me less liable to tell you when I want to.
This is supposed to be a place where I can write down my thoughts, like a diary. And in a way you should be honored that you can read it even though it's nothing sepcial, so please don't abuse that power by questioning everything on here. These are my thoughts, not question provoking statements.

It's infatuation.